Eli J. Finkel

If you're married and I talk to you in the next 6 weeks, I will probably talk to you about this book. I really liked it (just ask the stars). It was pragmatic, scientific, personal, and positive, with just enough graphs, studies, personal anecdotes, and pop culture references to keep me on my toes. When I went back to finish it after being married for 3 months, I thought it was too late for me, because I was already trapped, but the truth is, this is a book for people who are trapped! Like any good counseling, it has tools you can apply at any stage of life, and the author even tiers these ones according to what stage a relationship is in. I think my favorite part was that it didn't focus on any typical marital issues (besides naming them for reference), but was oriented around tangible solutions. I also loved reading about the history of marriage in western civilization. It was helpful for me in understanding my own place in all of it. I am a sucker for an explainer-type, how-to book about social science, though.… (mer)

I would choose [a:John M Gottman|16393012|John M Gottman|https://s.gr-assets.com/assets/nophoto/user/u_50x66-632230dc9882b4352d753eedf9396530.png] over him for marriage counseling. In fact, I think he sees Gottman as a bit of a threat and tries too hard to differentiate himself from him. Can he really prove that his theories are better(the title claims the "BEST" so I feel like I can ask this)? Not really. Because Gottman has been doing this longer. There was a startling evasion of racial data as well-- especially given how much time he talked about class. And too much time was spent recounting historical views when a chapter would have sufficed. Editorially, it needed to be streamlined a bit more.

That said, he did have a lot of good things to say, particularly in chapter 9. And he is right. All relationships go through ups and downs(regarding needs being met). His story about PPD was fascinating. But I just feel like the OSO theory runs into questionable territory and has less scientific research backing it up.… (mer)