The premise of this memoir was very original, and for me, that's what made it a compelling read. How the story was related to the reader didn't totally work for me and seemed very repetitive, but I still really appreciated what the author was trying to do.

Jeannie was sexually assaulted (by some legal definitions she was raped) by a good friend of hers, aka Mark, when she was 19 years old. 14 years later, she tracks him down, and basically attempts to get his side of the story, and to process the event in her own mind.

There's a lot of things about the book that surprised me. The author's honest appraisal that she wasn't really all that mad at Mark. Mark's willingness to participate in the project and his frank admission that the assault occurred and was all his fault. The fact that both parties had pretty serious mental health issues prior to the incident.

In the end, I'm not completely sure what conclusion the reader was supposed to draw, and I liked that the author allowed for that. Personally, I think this book would be amazing for a book club just because there's a lot to discuss and unpack, but I'm sure some people might find it too distressing. I don't know. I think these things need to be discussed more openly. Kudos to the author for taking on the challenge.

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TBH the synopsis doesn't really do the book justice. There were a lot of nuances that I think a lot of popular media portrayals of sexual assault don't cover. I highlighted a lot. It felt very real and very honest. The stream of consciousness writing style allowed Jeannie to give a brutally honest account of her feelings. This book can be so helpful for survivors who don't identify with the mainstream sexual assault narrative.
Also side note, but the way Mark kept interrupting her was driving me crazy. Maybe it's just me trying to villainize the person he turned into but like, screw him. ( )

“This story isn’t original, and that’s the story. Sexual assault happens all the time. What makes this story sort of unusual is we’re having the conversation. I don’t think that happens very often” - Jeannie Vanasco ⁣

I came across this book at the library and was immediately intrigued by the premise: Jeannie was raped by a close friend of hers when she was 19, and years later chooses to talk with him regarding his side of the story. During this process, Jeannie also struggles with her feelings regarding her choice, and struggles with recurring nightmares about the assault, which sadly isn’t the only one that has occurred in her life.⁣
As a sexual assault survivor, there were many parts of this book that were difficult for me to read. Jeannie and I shared many of the same feelings, although I lack the courage to confront my rapist as she did. I even grew up twenty minutes away from her hometown, and recognized many of the places she mentioned. ⁣
Jeannie openly struggles with her feelings as a feminist-should she be made to feel a certain way or should she feel a certain way for giving “Mark” a voice? ⁣
The way the book is written made me feel as if I was reading Jeannie’s diary, or eavesdropping on her conversations. Jeannie doesn’t censor herself or her feelings, which is why parts of this book could be considered “‘messy” to some, but I appreciated it even more for this. Though we are given information about “Mark”, she allows us to draw our own conclusions about his character. ⁣
This will not be an easy book to read, but it is an important one. It is a brutal commentary on the sexual violence women & men face, the failures of the justice and education system, and toxic masculinity. It’s an important reminder of the #metoo movement and how hard we need to keep fighting on behalf of sexual violence victims. ⁣ ( )

This was an interesting and unique perspective to add to the many voices of the #MeToo movement - particularly in its honest discussion of the doubt and ambivalence that can come when processing a sexual assault. Worth the read. ( )