Terri Apter

I kind of skimmed this book in order to get it off the shelf before my mother visited, so maybe I missed this part, but I don't understand why the focus is restricted to the maternal relationship. Why doesn't Apter address the role of non-mother primary caregivers in a child's life?

The descriptions of the different types of difficult relationships people have with their mothers seem overly narrow and rigid (although perhaps I only think this because my own relationship challenges aren't described here).

Although Apter cautions readers not to assume that our disappointment in our mother's responses is necessarily her fault, it seems to absolve grown children of the responsibility to interact with their mothers as though their mothers are adults.

This seems like a fine book, but it didn't do it for me. Eventually I'll learn that self-help books are always going to leave me wanting.… (mer)

This is probably the most important parenting book I have ever read. Why? Because I (with a little help from the rest of society) thought my active parenting days were almost over. I have one child in college and one in high school and I had totally bought the idea that they no longer needed me for much more than a little (or a lot - there's college after all) financial support. In fact any further parenting is almost seen as a pathology with a smothering mother who just cannot let go (who me? No way). Not so says author Apter. She calls children in this stage Thresholders and considers them Adults-In-Training. After watching many in this age group stumble either in college or when first entering the work force, I have to agree with her. Although our children now are very sophisticated about information and the digital world they are often less than able in the areas of self-regulation and what it means to be part of the adult world (even if it seems so while they are still living at home). The right support and awareness that the support is needed can make all the difference. Apter tackles just about every subject that could be an issue during this stage including early marriage and (heaven forbid) suicide. Every topic is thoroughly explored and excellent advice is then given as to the best actions to resolve the issue. We have to give them the room to make mistakes without having it becoming a catastrophe as that is the best way to learn. I look forward to using this advice to help my own children become successful adults and thank Terri Apter for opening my eyes.… (mer)