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J.D. McKelvin

Författare till Gaze of the Burning Eye

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I had a little difficulty with all the names starting this book. These seemed disconjointed to start. There are a lot of edits that need to be made. First person voices are made when they should be 2nd or 3rd person. Ch. 44, pg. 419, began by “wondering where Daryna was” then at bottom of pg. Daryna was all of a sudden there and “asking her what she was thinking.” Plot lines need to be drawn more acutely. This story was most enjoyable in the second half of the book but it was not my favorite book.… (mer)
 
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pamelashelton | 2 andra recensioner | Jul 12, 2024 |
I received a copy of this book through the LibraryThing early reviewers program.

Gaze of the Burning Eye is a rollercoaster with highs that feature an interesting, three star, story and lows that feature poorly or crudely written sections. In the end, I cannot recommend this book for any reader. The writing is nowhere near sophisticated enough to be an adult novel, but the subject matter is not appropriate for young adults or children.

First, the writing is in need of a good editor. 1) The narrative changes from past to present tense and back again in the same paragraph. "At some point they rebelled, and the histories never agree as to what brought about the eye, but the Uryz believed it was Qoethe the Watcher. They believe this because..." 2) Commas are added where they don't belong and are missing when they are needed. 3) The syntax is sometimes odd. "Lyudmyla, however, was the one to have her abilities compared to hawking master Oleksiy." This sentence could be written more suscinctly: L's abilities, on the other hand, were compared to those of the hawking master Oleksiy. 4) The writing is crude. "[The Grand Prince] patted him on the butt" is unnecessary; a defeated sparring partner might, instead, be 'clapped on the shoulder.' Similarly, a "kick to his balls" could instead target his 'manhood.'

Second, in many areas, the content could be improved. 1) The main character's internal dialogue and physical tussles with her twin are child like, and thus unbelievable for a princess who is ready to engage in politics and travel independently through the kingdom. 2) In the first twelve chapters, there were already two scenes of rape. These scenes did not take place off stage, but were instead described using crude language. In addition, the first was a scene glimpsed by the main character as she left on an adventure, so added nothing to the plot. The second was only important because the characters can only be sold to a harem if they are virgins, but removing that detail would enhance, rather than detract from, the narrative.

If you enjoy stories set in fantasy medieval with strong female characters, consider the novels of Tamora Pierce. They are more interesting and more suitable for all audiences.
… (mer)
 
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AliciaBooks | 2 andra recensioner | Jun 24, 2024 |

Statistik

Verk
2
Medlemmar
6
Popularitet
#1,227,255
Betyg
½ 2.3
Recensioner
3