Talane Miedaner

Relationship self-help book that reads more like pop psychology in the I'm Okay, You're Okay vein. I read this for professional development after hearing Miedaner talk about how most people are unaware of what they need, so they are very ineffective at getting those things (e.g., to be accepted, to achieve, for security, to be touched). She noted at the time that people who are good at recognizing and feeding others' needs get ahead in business, and she touted her own book as a place to learn more. Well, she got me.

In any event, Miedaner believes that most of us fulfill our emotional needs badly. We don't know what those needs are, we rely too much on our partners, we don't ask for what we need, we look to coworkers and other people who aren't close enough for inappropriate need fulfillment. 80% of this book is devoted to helping people identify their top four emotional needs and get them fulfilled in healthy ways (in her world, thus rendering you healthy enough to get a mate who really does fit well into your life). Miedaner also discusses establishing boundaries and enforcing them politely but firmly (boundaries like "don't interrupt me") and figuring out and living values to be happy in addition to no longer miserable.

Pretty useful book, all told. I would just recommend picking and choosing through the middle sections that discuss each of the needs, as they got a bit repetitive. (And oh, if only some of her examples went beyond the limited scene of boy-girl sex-love relationships...)… (mer)