Gypsy Limerick Thread

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Gypsy Limerick Thread

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1Sekaognidlaps
apr 1, 2009, 2:02am

There once was a Gypsy named Nuri,
Who found herself judged by a jury.
For the chicken she stole
They plucked her best mole,
Which made her react with great fury.

2Sekaognidlaps
apr 1, 2009, 2:02am

A Gypsy there was—name of Ferka,
Who once gave his sister a burka.
But she said, “Don’t you know?
Now my wares will not show.
So how you expect me to worka?”

3Sekaognidlaps
apr 1, 2009, 2:03am

A Gypsy I knew, of resolve,
With her soup had a problem to solve:
To get it to thicken
She pilfered a chicken.
But, sadly, it didn’t dissolve.

4Thresher
apr 1, 2009, 7:03am

Unacceptable! Flagged and cursed, Sekaognidlaps!

5Thresher
Redigerat: apr 1, 2009, 7:05am

Aargh! The flags won't "appear visually" until seconded! Am I the only enlightened person posting to this group?
Very disappointed, people, come on!

6Thresher
apr 1, 2009, 7:09am

Ah, I see that another sensitive soul has encountered these vile calumnies and responded with flags. Thank you, whoever you are!

7enevada
Redigerat: apr 1, 2009, 6:03pm

We’ve heard the songs of Papusza,
Bittersweet ballads of Europe’s great losers.
They dance, and they sing.
Wear the gaudiest bling.
As tragic – on cue – as hard Irish boozers.

(I'm also what's known as a 'sensitive soul', Thresher. It is a wonder we can get out of bed most mornings.)

8enevada
apr 1, 2009, 1:05pm

Not a limerick, but the Irish are pissed that we've appropriated their great tragic genre, without so much as even a pint, mind you, for the lad in the corner...so a riddle:

As I was going to Rom
I met a man with seven homes
And every home had seven goats
And every goat had seven kids
Men, goats, kids…
How many were going to jail?

9oakes
apr 1, 2009, 1:17pm

One night when she got a bit tipsy
enevada behaved like a Gypsy.
Bare feet in a whirl,
Her necklace a-twirl,
She danced all the way to Poughkeepsie!

10enevada
apr 1, 2009, 4:48pm

#9: that was before Lent.

But here's another:

There was a fine man from Soroca
Whose taste ran to the barraco.
He embroidered his smocks.
Wore sandals with socks,
And sang for young boys from Morocco.

11Carnophile
apr 3, 2009, 4:39pm

She danced all the way to Poughkeepsie!

...where she met these really cool Vasar girls who told her all about Wicca and deep ecology.

12oakes
Redigerat: apr 4, 2009, 9:05am

She came there to major in Chem,
But quickly announced, "no problem!"
It was so exciting,
Indeed, quite inviting.
"Though of the two styles, I'll take femme."

13enevada
apr 4, 2009, 8:42am

#11 Vassar girls, by definition, aren't cool

But anyway,

There was a student from Vassar
Who studied Romani from afar.
She read Colum's Zoli
Downed shots of iced Stoli
And now prefers Orban to Yasser.

14Carnophile
apr 4, 2009, 9:17am

A gypsy woman did arrange
To meet Oakes, but she thought it strange,
that he kept asking her,
“Are you really quite sure,
that those children of yours are free-range?”

15oakes
Redigerat: apr 4, 2009, 1:45pm

A Carno I knew for a while,
Desired a name with more style.
He thought about "saur",
"Ivorous", and "vore",
Before happily settling on "phile".

16Carnophile
apr 4, 2009, 2:02pm

Two gypsies from Vassar met Oakes
Who, nervous, emitted just croaks.
They looked at each other,
Rolled their eyes, said “Brother!
We’re gay girls; we've need of no blokes.”

17oakes
Redigerat: apr 4, 2009, 2:17pm

A hetero-sexist I knew,
Was caught doing you know to who.
She said, "it's not fair,
That you are down there!"
So chivalrously, he withdrew.

18oakes
Redigerat: apr 5, 2009, 4:36pm

At Vassar they were just so terse,
For Carno, it couldn't get worse.
So he dressed as a girl,
And gave it a whirl.
Like Crying Game--but in reverse.

19Carnophile
apr 4, 2009, 4:26pm

The great part was that using that ruse at Vassar didn't require shaving my legs.

20Carnophile
Redigerat: apr 4, 2009, 7:00pm

Some people of old Romany
Travelled to the hills by the sea.
Oakesspalding was there,
And he gave them a scare
Munching haunch of a free range gypsy.

21Carnophile
apr 4, 2009, 5:05pm

A cultist named Gonadal Spikes
in the Personals said “My main likes,
Are those gay Vassar girls,
With their shiny blonde curls,
But you better not label them, um...Sapphic.”

22oakes
Redigerat: apr 5, 2009, 12:28pm

Following #18:

She said, "Gosh, I'm a bit disconcerted.
Indeed, I feel slightly perverted.
But at any rate,
Though it's our first date,
I do declare I am converted!"

23Carnophile
apr 4, 2009, 7:03pm

I'm so studly that I have the power to convert a lesbian! High praise indeed, and thank you, Oakes!

But I can't take all the credit. It's the shoggoth RNA.

24BaristaGirl
Redigerat: apr 4, 2009, 7:40pm

A weirdo pre-Catholic I knew
Said, "Here are three things that are true:
There is so a God!
On Fridays, eat cod!
I'd rather have one flag than two!

25Thresher
apr 4, 2009, 7:13pm

Flagged, you Jacobite Papist!

26oakes
Redigerat: apr 4, 2009, 9:40pm

I know you can get quite obsessive.
But please do not be so excessive.
That Vassar girls fall,
Is your wit--that's all.
The shoggoth gene's always recessive.

27oakes
apr 4, 2009, 7:20pm

I shall now go somewhere to have the limerick curse lifted off of me.

28enevada
apr 4, 2009, 9:32pm

the gypsy limerick curse can never be lifted, and more bad news:

I'm afraid, my dear brother Oakes,
in light of these sophomoric jokes,
by Vatican Council:
(whose patience is less than an ounce fill)
your piety is decreed a hoax.

29oakes
Redigerat: apr 4, 2009, 11:55pm

I'm not sure you're allowed to have a fourth line that is three syllables longer than the third line.

30enevada
apr 4, 2009, 9:54pm

OK, you got me on the minutiae. You're in - more Catholic than the Pope.

Welcome.

31oakes
Redigerat: apr 6, 2009, 2:30am

Well, more Catholic than the "the Pope", you mean. The True Pope owns a gas station in Topeka and was elected after my group broke with the Church a few years back over the heretical use of velcro in the Papal footwear. I am politely "going through the motions" at Cantius in Chicago because, as you well know, I'm the sort of guy who doesn't like to rock the boat about that sort of thing.

32oakes
apr 5, 2009, 8:21pm

But,

Thank you.

33Thresher
apr 5, 2009, 9:44pm

>31 oakes:
Then I'd better use ironic quote marks:

You're a Jacobite "Papist."

34oakes
apr 5, 2009, 10:00pm

Yes, or a Jacobite True Papist. And Hurrah for Prince Charlie--the True Prince Charlie, that is!

35enevada
apr 6, 2009, 11:06am

#31: The Church's position on the use of velcro has been consistent in its point of origin (the Essenian brouhaha non-withstanding, the Qumran scrolls were written on leather, the deterioration of which is a de facto argument against any prophylactic footwear in this temporal realm) and its well-founded skepticism of any French innovation since the dark days of Avignon.

However, we live in modern times. Some concessions must be made. And while Vatican II was certainly no endorsement of velcro, it did begin the dialogue within the Church that allowed for many practicing Catholics to take part - in their own fashion - in loosening of footwear societal norms that began in earnest in the decades to come.

Whether that was a good or bad thing remains to be seen.

36oakes
apr 6, 2009, 3:27pm

Contemplating the perfection of your pitch here and elsewhere is equivalent to the feel and sound when one's cricket bat hits the ball just so. (Not that I've ever actually hit a cricket ball or held a cricket bat, but that's not important now.)

37Thresher
apr 6, 2009, 4:32pm

>34 oakes:

All this stuff about the Stuarts, the Electress of Hanover (why does that sound sexy to me?), etc., is ultimately irrelevant, since I am reconfiguring this Republic as the First Galactic Empire!

Until then, the important point is that members of the true faith can get along fine with hell-bound sinners.

Note: Enter the search
Jacobian, Catholic, Charles
into Google and the first result is “Efficient computation of forward kinematics and Jacobian matrix of...”

38enevada
apr 6, 2009, 4:50pm

#37: ...because everything sounds sexy to you, Thresher. See you in hell, boys.

(although rumor has it, there's still a small chance of Purgatory for one of us. Oakes has called dibbs, but I'm not completely out yet...)

39Thresher
apr 6, 2009, 5:42pm

everything sounds sexy to you, Thresher.

It's true. Even the "efficient computation of forward kinematics" makes me feel a bit...warm. I actually like my kinematics to be a bit forward. The whole "demure" thing is so tiresome.

40Carnophile
maj 3, 2009, 3:49pm

Chicago man visits Poughkeepsie, New York, and upon arrival is heard to say, "I'm feeling a bit peckish." Authorities are seeking to interview him as a "person of interest" in this case, in which - due to the state of the remains - cannibalism is a suspected motive.

41oakes
maj 3, 2009, 5:56pm

There was a professor--it's true,
Who hadn't read Room with a View.
Quoth he "it's not lit,
Unless there's a tit,
Or better, unless there are two!"

42MerryMary
maj 3, 2009, 6:24pm

And we have a winner!!

43oakes
Redigerat: maj 4, 2009, 9:16am

There once was a poster named Mary,
Whose imaginative quotient was very.
She loved Spock and Sulu,
Lovecraft and Cthulhu.
A lady she was (and quite merry!)

44MerryMary
maj 4, 2009, 10:42am

Awwwww. *blush* Thanks *scrapes foot in dirt*

45Carnophile
maj 4, 2009, 5:28pm

>41 oakes:

Or three. Remember the magic of the third nipple!

46oakes
maj 5, 2009, 1:02am

Det här meddelandet har tagits bort av dess författare.

47oakes
maj 5, 2009, 1:02am

The problem with three
(It seems so to me)
Is that if you meet
That fabled third teat,
It's likely as not to be wee.

48Thresher
maj 6, 2009, 5:47pm

If that's your experience, you've been hanging around with humans too much. Open your mind!