The Cultist Below Me

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The Cultist Below Me

Denna diskussion är för närvarande "vilande"—det sista inlägget är mer än 90 dagar gammalt. Du kan återstarta det genom att svara på inlägget.

apr 1, 2009, 2:18am

The Cultist below me is holding on by only one tentacle.

apr 1, 2009, 2:23am

That's not a tentacle.

The Cultist below me believes that he is actually living a billion years ago in the body of a ten-foot tall cone. He is currently smoking a cigarillo.

apr 1, 2009, 2:45am

I am the ghost writer for the man who lives inside the body of a ten foot tall cone. He just passed out from smoking too much cigarillo.

The CBM needs to have his brain washed some more.

apr 1, 2009, 7:20am

I was using Ivory, but it dried out my neurons too much, so I've switched to Dove.

The cultist below me was going to join the Hare Krishnas, but doesn't think she looks good in pink and orange.

apr 1, 2009, 1:15pm

Real womyn don't wear pink.

Besides the food was nasty. And I can falun gong in my pjs.

The cultist below me likes qigong in their tea.

apr 1, 2009, 1:36pm

It's how I look so great at the age of 27, though I wish my fellow qigongers weren't so frumpy.

The Cultist below me believes that the Great Race of Yith is a NASCAR event.

Redigerat: apr 1, 2009, 5:23pm

Ah I think you mean holds a NASCAR event. True because
- NASCAR glorifies the great Ouroboros.
- the event features only Volkswagens (and so is open only to beetle folk)

The Cultist below me has a head like a monstrous toad.

ETA: sense

Redigerat: apr 1, 2009, 6:48pm

I can barely pull myself away from the mirror.

The cultist below me thinks that the leader of the American Medical Association got what he deserved for messing with Yog-Sothoth.

apr 1, 2009, 7:03pm

He shouldn't have tried to confine YS in the Pentagon like that.

The cultist below me has a special balm that will prevent your lips from getting windburned when you visit Hyperborea. Don't ask what's in it!

apr 1, 2009, 8:23pm

The same stuff they make Madonna music from, yuck!

The cultist below me is starting a new website:

Catalog your gods online.

apr 1, 2009, 10:48pm

However, only MY gods are available to be catalogged. Start your own website.

The cultist below me knows just how tasty cds are when mixed with fries and toothpaste.

Redigerat: apr 2, 2009, 9:20pm

However, only MY gods are available to be cataloged.

Ah, sorry to differ with you, but as long as a god has been assigned an International Standard God Number (ISGN), anyone can catalog him/her/it.

CDs are tasty with fries, though perhaps excessively crunchy. I wish I had standard human-like dentition, instead of these wussy tentacles.

The cultist below me worries that the Internet will become conscious, take over the defense grid, and start a nuclear war without letting Cthulhu join in the destruction.

Redigerat: apr 3, 2009, 3:00am

The cultist above me does not understand that the Great Old Ones being indifferent to us is much more frightening than being our sworn enemies or going out of their way to destroy us, etc., etc.

The cultist below me likes "In the Vault."

apr 3, 2009, 4:59pm

I'm a sucker for a story that all comes down to the last line.

The cultist below me is a research scientist at Genentech. On a drunken dare after a three-martini lunch with the colleagues, s/he inserted some shoggoth RNA into his/her own genes. Lately weird things have been happening...

apr 3, 2009, 10:26pm

I don't want to talk about all the weird things going on in my life. It is best to just focus on something else.

TCBM craves for a normal life.

apr 3, 2009, 10:59pm

That's okay. If you are the women in your Profile picture, will you send me your phone number?

The cultist below me lost his three-hundred year old ancestral home in the mortgage crisis.

apr 4, 2009, 8:26am

Why did I take out that second mortgage to pay for the basement music studio and astral projection meditation chamber?! I should have known interest rates were going to “reset” eventually! That ancestral home was particularly valuable, too; it was located directly above the center of the Earth.

The cultist below me picks up attractive cultists of the opposite sex by bragging, “Hey, baby. I’ve got shoggoth RNA.”

Redigerat: apr 4, 2009, 9:00am

As a pick-up line, "I've got shoggoth RNA" is pure gold. But why does it have to be the opposite sex, huh? I know some really cool Vassar girls you should talk to; they'll help you free your mind.

The cultist below me took a Continuing Education course on Lucid Dreaming at the community college, and is starting to regret it...

apr 5, 2009, 10:09pm

That's because it was taught be an ex-hippy guy who hadn't even heard of Kadath.

The cultist below me transformed herself into a cake after being harassed by a gypsy. (Don't worry, ashly7, Popescu has been trying to get my phone number (among other things) for years.)

apr 5, 2009, 10:22pm

Poor Ashly doesn't have a phone of her own. She lives in a boarding school run by nuns, whom she must respectfully address as "sisters." I am writing for her because she is on detention tonight.

TCBM wonders why oakes is balding.

apr 5, 2009, 10:28pm

Not balding--bald. But I run so fast it often pulls my wig half off.

The cultist below me is attracted to Cthulhu as a father figure.

Redigerat: apr 5, 2009, 10:33pm

No, it's Spalding, not balding.
Though if he is balding, it's probably from worrying about these new-fangled heretics who style themselves "Protestants." Apparantly they're as thick as flies in His Majesty's colonies in the Americas.

And it's not a father figure thing, it's just that I keep imagining how good those facial tentacles would taste with a little melted butter and tarragon.

The cultist below me just added a new signature line to his/her email account:

gphagli whalui, Cthulhu R'lyeh thunpharf!

apr 6, 2009, 12:58am

Under powerful hypnosis, I obediently add to my email account the signature line:

Hurry my lovely, come smell my pharf.

The cultist below me wants facial tentacles.

apr 6, 2009, 2:56am

Wants? It's amazing how I always get a seat on the subway.

Re: "free to be pink"

The cultist nine levels above me has just become a Vassar girl! (I think I am having a lucid dream.) Or she is carnophile (non-lucid dream). Or perhaps I am merely part of Cthulhu's dream, and will vanish when the latest group of silly cultists rings his buzzer.

The Cultist below me imagines that whenever the subway is coming, it is shrieking "Tekeli-li! Tekeli-li!". Thus he flees up the escalator, usually missing his train.

apr 6, 2009, 4:52pm

It takes more than pointy teeth in a glass to make a carnophile. You have to have attitude, man!

Tekili-li is of course, an anagram of Elite Ilk, which is how the Old Ones regard themselves. Modesty is not really their principal virtue.

(Hey! I resent that! If you really get to know me, I think you’ll find my modesty is my best virtue! - Cthulhu.)

The cultist below me wishes people would look past all the hype - most of which was spread by Cthulhu’s enemies, by the way - and get to know the real Cthulhu. The sensitive Cthulhu who likes the music of Carly Simon, lavender-scented bubble baths, and long walks on the beach at sunset.

apr 6, 2009, 7:14pm

It takes more than pointy teeth in a glass to make a carnophile. You have to have attitude, man!

Hey, that's my line!

apr 6, 2009, 9:23pm

I don't see your name on it, pal.

apr 6, 2009, 9:24pm

You have to turn it over, hold it up to the light, and look at the dot in the exclamation point. See where it says "Carnophile"?

Redigerat: apr 6, 2009, 9:27pm

Ohhhhh yeaaaaaaah. Wow, the engraving's so small I didn't even notice. No hard feelings, I hope?

Redigerat: apr 6, 2009, 9:31pm

Not at all!

Sure, Cthulhu says he's sensitive, but does he ever call? Noo. The Call of Cthulhu is just a mythos myth.

The cultist below me gets to be the head of the local cult chapter by virtue of having a third nipple.

apr 6, 2009, 10:19pm

You absolute bastard,
You swore to me, swore that you would never mention that in public.

Never forget I still have the IM dump.

The cultist below me thinks that the sleeper of N'kai is an ear adornment.

apr 8, 2009, 6:51pm

You swore to me, swore that you would never mention that in public.

Well, you knew I was a disciple of Yog-Sothoth! Didn't really expect me to keep my promises, did you?

Everyone knows the sleeper of N'Kai is an earring for the one-eared god, Monaural.

The cultist below me would like to see a fight between the formless spawn of Tsathoggua and the T-1000.

apr 9, 2009, 3:27am

Oh yeah, like I really have a doubt who would win there, you faithless Pagan.

The cultist below me, when he views the scene where Schwarzenegger sinks into the molten goo making the thumbs up sign ("Everything will be alright, Tommy") cries every time.

apr 9, 2009, 4:16am

He also beats up his Ethiopian girlfriend when he needs money to buy drugs. His girlfriend told me the secret.

TCBM wants to leave the cult.

Redigerat: apr 30, 2009, 5:09pm

You can't leave a cult.

The cultist below me stands ready to hand over all of Earth's quantonium to Gallaxhar when he arrives.

maj 7, 2009, 10:11pm

Well, the market for the stuff tanked, you know.

The cultist below me thinks Pickman's Model is Cindy Crawford.

maj 19, 2009, 11:18pm

>34 56Hypocrites:
Hey, cool; they finally got the name change thing worked out. So I guess from now on we have to refer to you as "The Artist formerly known as Ashly7," since you have changed your name to an unpronounceable symbol string.

maj 19, 2009, 11:30pm

Oops. I wasn't trying to run away from the cult group, I swear. How did you recognize me so quickly?


Redigerat: maj 19, 2009, 11:47pm

We have eyes everywhere. We have agents everywhere. We know what you did last summer.

Happening across this group in the Groups page ("New Groups" section) also helped.

We will catch up with you in precisely 10 days, 14 hours, and 22 minutes.

maj 21, 2009, 2:14am

You can keep your name, but can we have that girl on the towel back?

(I know that's you!)


Redigerat: maj 21, 2009, 4:16am

Det här meddelandet har tagits bort av dess författare.