Message for oakesspalding from his Mother

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Message for oakesspalding from his Mother

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1motherofoakespalding
Redigerat: apr 2, 2009, 11:45am

Fortunate news, Otis, my beloved son! A motorcar hit your father, yesterday! Do not worry, o son. Your father is in good health and is now smoking his pipe and eating his freshly baked loaf while sitting in front of a hot, very hot fire. And I too will live many cycles of the wolf-cry, my loving son. But Oak, according to the law courts, we are now entitled to 5,000 American dollars that will be paid very soon. Very soon, Eric, we will have that money, and when we die, as we all must, sacred cousin of my sister’s daughter, you will have those American dollars. What will you do with them, Orcis? Your father would like you to have a good life, an honorable life, a life where you can pay for medicine to stop your hair from falling onto the ground, dearest Oakis, and give to you a wife that will make good soup, hot soup, soothing soup, soup that will make you forget you ever had a hard cough, a loud cough, a cough that will get worse and worse in the nighttime, unless you get those dollars, Oaxis. Also, son, as your father told you after you made a punch at the Polish child with the running nose, an honorable life means to treat other peoples from other places with honorable dialogues. Do not speak against other peoples, Oats. Some of the peoples you should not speak against include German peoples, French peoples, Gypsies, Italian peoples and the Swedish. Both I and your father are old and sick, Oaksies. We will die soon. And if we die, we will be very sad if you do not get that money, o tender one. According to the letter we received from the government last week, we must write your Social Security number in the place on the document that asks for us to write your Social Security number in that place. Then you will get the money. I forgot your Social Security number, Ox. But do not be angry. I am old with a smoky head. But I want you to have those American dollars. Please send your number so that you will have those dollars, Oaksas, and so will have a pretty wife, a strong wife, a wife who will take your socks and make of them new socks every year when the day is the shortest. And do not forget the soup that I told you about earlier.

You may send your Social Security number to:

motherofoakespalding@moldova.cc

2enevada
Redigerat: apr 2, 2009, 3:55pm

Hi Mrs. Spalding,

It is me, enevada. Gosh, you get younger and prettier every time I see you! And I like the ‘stache – it reminds me of that whole Frida look that was so big in the 90s. Remember that?

I just thought you should know that Oakes has , actually, been speaking against not only German, French, Gypsy (we say “Roma” in America, because even if we can’t find “Roma” on a map, we are highly sensitized to the plight of the African-European underclass in that country) Italian and Swedish, but also the Dutch, from Dutchland. Something about the Pope.

And I ‘m not sure if he’s hit any Poles lately – unless it was that kid makifatsky.

Oh, and he’s been smoking cigars.

Sure, I’d love another bowl of soup, if you’ve got it. You know how I love your soup! How’s Tim? Such a sweet kid, that one.

Your friend,
enevada

3ablachley
Redigerat: apr 3, 2009, 3:30am

After performing an audit regarding the traffic on our servers, we have determined that it is likely that certain LT members have been creating multiple “dummy” or “shell” accounts--either to stalk or harass other members, or to circumvent the 200 book maximum for free memberships. This is a violation of the Terms of Service. Unless the responsible parties contact us immediately, the named memberships shall be suspended within twenty-four hours. In the meantime, we urge those parties to refrain from the creation of other false accounts. We also urge other LT members not to respond to their posts, Profile messages or emails until their status is resolved. The suspected linked accounts are:

1.
Sekaognidlaps
oakesspalding (who has been repeatedly warned)

2.
Carnophile
DrOrpheus
philosopherguy
CrystalBright
BobMarleyMan
carnazza
carny1966
carnyscribble
poliphile
bowiephile
lycanthrophile
natalienecrophile

3.
enevada
twilight_obsessorx3

4.
Eurydice
booklover95
booklover36
booklover777
booklover4
booklover14
booklover1015
booklover82
booklover16
JimmytheGothicEgg

If you have set up any of these accounts, please contact us immediately. We admit that we are not certain of the linkages involved. So, if only one of these memberships and no other was set up by you, please provide correct username and password. On the other hand, if you have originated more than one membership, please provide correct username and password for the ONE membership you would like to retain. The other memberships will be deleted.

As many LT Profile pages have been intermittently down due to a holiday virus on our servers, do not attempt to contact me via my Profile page. Instead, please email me, with correct usernames and passwords to:

ablachley@moldova.cc

Thank you!

Abby

4MrAndrew
apr 3, 2009, 1:11am

OK, i won't respond to your posts.

5Carnophile
apr 3, 2009, 8:07am

It is scary how close I came to falling for post #3.

6clamairy
apr 3, 2009, 8:54am

Yes, that extra 'e' was easy to miss...
:oS

7SisterofPopescu
apr 9, 2009, 2:41am

We have kidnapped your mother, Oaksey.

(You have been repeatedly warned.)

We order you to IMMEDIATELY provide to us the following information:

1. Your social security number
2. Your LT password
3. The credit card numbers and expiration dates of your three credit cards with the highest limits (not including those five that are almost maxed out)
4. The combination to your gym locker
5. Your favorite color
6. Your password to match.com
7. Your password to match/asia.com
8. Your password to match/Bylorussia.com
9. Your TDAmeritrade username and password
10. That thing enevada told you about herself that she told you not to reveal to anyone else or you would be "dead, dead, dead".
11. Your Airport Network password
12. Your Amazon "secret question".

Provide these to us, IMMEDIATELY, Spaldo. (And don't even THINK about NOT providing them to us immediately.)

8Popescu
apr 9, 2009, 2:42am

Also, Eurydice's phone number.

9SisterofPopescu
apr 9, 2009, 2:44am

13. Eurydice's phone number.

(We have kidnapped your mother.)

10motherofoakespalding
apr 9, 2009, 2:45am

It's true. They have kidnapped me. But Sister Popescu's soup is very delicious.

11SisterofPopescu
apr 9, 2009, 2:53am

You see, Arakis? Do you see now? Ignoring the words of a gypsy is like ignoring the wet nose of a dog in your bed. Do you understand my meaning?

1256Hypocrites
apr 9, 2009, 3:02am

Are you as funny in real life as online?