Clinical psychologist Mary Pipher reflects on women growing older, in their sixties and seventies, and living their best lives.

I am... well, not the audience for this book in more ways than one. But my book club - which I facilitate as part of my job - chose this to read, I thought it would be a good kickoff to the year. At the beginning, when she talked about transitions, I could relate. I'm entering middle age, however, and in some ways the busiest time of my life with work responsibilities, home ownership, and a growing family (in my case, nieces and nephews).

But mainly, I didn't connect with the book because it stays on the surface, talking about the attitude one should have as life changes and new challenges begin even as the busy-ness of life starts slowing down. For example, when writing about how older women can take the long view of life, she writes:

We don't see the world as it is, but rather as we are. If we are angry and bitter, we find proof of hostility wherever we look. If we are trusting, we look for evidence of kindness. Growth requires us to constantly expand our points of view....If we are curious, we don't just look for evidence that confirms our narrowest opinions, but rather we try to understand more about everyone and everything. We yearn to see the world through the broadest of all lenses. By taking the longest possible view, we can experience gratitude, wisdom, and a sense for the moral continuity of our lives. This strengthens our identities and brings us peace and connection" (238-239).

All well and good. She's not wrong, exactly, but she stays with pat sentences like that and doesn't delve into the practical ways in which one should go about taking the long view. She stays on the surface about all the topics she addresses, gives us case studies from her own lives and others' experiences, instead of telling you how to do it. And maybe, as a psychologist, that's her strength. For me as a (task-oriented) reader, though, I prefer the type of self-help book that will give me practical steps (how) and studies (why) that will show me what to do.

See, the thing is, I've been privileged to live close to family two and three generations older than me. I saw firsthand the way an adult over 60, in their retirement age but still with vitality, could experience the world as my great-grandmother continued knitting into her 90s and enjoyed seeing her grandkids for visits, and my grandparents were active gardeners and brought me along to iris society meetings and taught me about our family history while we drove the back roads. I look forward to aspects of that time in my life, even though I also like the stage I'm in now. I don't really need a feel-good book to tell me what I already know. So, it was an okay read for me. The other ladies in my book club are of the age that she describes in the book, however, and I'll be interested in hearing their perspectives. ( )

nonfiction - a psychologist/writer of some reknown catalogs the experiences of older women, including internalized ageism, dealing with health issues while becoming a caretaker for elders and partners, grieving the loss of friend and loved ones, nurturing connections within a dwindling social group, keeping busy in retirement and finding purpose, etc. Might be marginally helpful in a "hey, you're not alone" way, but also potentially hurtful if not taken with grain of salt (e.g. ch. 9's "happiness is a choice" message does not consider serious mental health issues or addiction -- choice is important but sometimes external assistance can be absolutely necessary). I did think the part about setting boundaries on your time was helpful--making sure you have time for yourself before saying yes to additional obligations, and language you can use while you get used to saying 'no.' But mostly I found the content dull, with a writing style that sort of blathers on, but it might make an ok audiobook for an inattentive listener (like myself).

stopped reading p.238 of 398 (over halfway thru) ( )

Wonderful book full of real information for women. Pleasant to read.

I found WOMEN ROWING NORTH (2019) on a remainder table at a local bookstore. Picked it up because I remembered Mary Pipher's bestseller from over thirty(?) years ago, REVIVING OPHELIA, which I had skimmed casually and passed along to my wife's sister-in-law, who loved books and had gotten two daughters through the storms and pitfalls of adolescence, the book's subject. Now here is psychologist-therapist Pipher with another book for women about [subtitle] "Navigating Life's Currents and Flourishing as We Age." It could be filed under self-help, I suppose,but it's much more than that, filled with useful, often deeply moving anecdotes from her own life and multiple stories from other women she interviewed and came to know well, all struggling to cope with changed circumstances - divorce, disease, aged parents, widowhood, depression and more. The stories are linked with advice often filled with wisdom. There is a healthy mix of humor and heartbreak here. I heartily recommend it to any woman approaching sixty or beyond - AND to husbands too. I chuckled, even guffawed a few times, winced and was often moved nearly to tears. Good book, and not just for old women, but for old men too.

- Tim Bazzett, author of the memoir, BOOKLOVER ( )

I read and enjoyed Piper’s 1994 book "Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls", so, being of a certain age, I thought this new book might be interesting.

Pipher is a clinical psychologist and cultural anthropologist who specializes in developmental psychology and trauma. Here, being of a certain age herself, she turns her attention to women growing old. She covers all manner of joys and indignities that come with this stage of life and offers wise words and practical strategies, often through anecdotes from, and examples of, other women.

I enjoyed Pipher’s clear-eyed assessment of 'old age". Many of the strategies she suggests are practical and worth learning or being reminded of. But, as I read deeper into the book, I started to tire of what seemed like excessive anecdotes, and Pipher’s constant "can-do" attitude—the book seemed a lot longer than its 251 pages. I think I would have been much happier with a book half as long. However, that now confessed, I would still heartily recommend this book for many women coming into this stage of life. It would make a good gift with a nice bottle of wine and a pedometer. ( )