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My Life on the Line: How the NFL Damn Near Killed Me, and Ended Up Saving My Life

av Ryan O'Callaghan

MedlemmarRecensionerPopularitetGenomsnittligt betygDiskussioner
2310976,373 (4.33)Ingen/inga
Ryan O'Callaghan's plan was always to play football and then, when his career was over, kill himself. Growing up in a politically conservative corner of California, the not-so-subtle messages he heard as a young man from his family and from TV and film routinely equated being gay with disease and death. Letting people in on the darkest secret he kept buried inside was not an option: better death with a secret than life as a gay man. As a kid, Ryan never envisioned just how far his football career would take him. He was recruited by the University of California, Berkeley, where he spent five seasons, playing alongside his friend Aaron Rodgers. Then it was on to the NFL for stints with the almost-undefeated New England Patriots and the often-defeated Kansas City Chiefs. Bubbling under the surface of Ryan's entire NFL career was a collision course between his secret sexuality and his hidden drug use. When the league caught him smoking pot, he turned to NFL-sanctioned prescription painkillers that quickly sent his life into a tailspin. As injuries mounted and his daily intake of opioids reached a near-lethal level, he wrote his suicide note to his parents and plotted his death. Yet someone had been watching. A member of the Chiefs organization stepped in, recognizing the signs of drug addiction. Ryan reluctantly sought psychological help, and it was there that he revealed his lifelong secret for the very first time.… (mer)
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Oh, Ryan! I love you for writing this book. I admire you for coming out, as I personally know what it entails. I can't imagine being gay in the NFL. But think about how much you have impacted people! I loved this book... It's not the best written book, but it is honest and heartfelt! I especially loved the second half of the book. I'm SO GLAD I won this through a Librarything giveaway! ( )
  patsaintsfan | Nov 26, 2019 |
A interesting insight into both the football culture and the lifelong distress that knowing you are different from an early age can cause. I found the second half of the book the most interesting with its look Into drug addiction and the fear caused by hiding one’s homosexuality. Recommended for young athletes. ( )
  brookeott | Sep 29, 2019 |
My Life on the Line is a page turner of an autobiography. Ryan O'Callaghan is speaking from the heart and mind of himself as he reveals his life led as a gay man. His story is at turns heartbreaking, others hilarious, and I wish there were pictures of his dogs. Ryan's life is what makes this book compelling but being behind the scenes in the NFL makes it even more interesting. I'm so glad that I requested this book and I wish Mr. O'Callaghan every success.
  jeshakespeare | Sep 16, 2019 |
When I requested My Life on the Line I was not prepared to have my heart broken. This is the simple story of an NFL football player trying to conceal his true self throughout his sports career. For twenty eight long years he had a secret. Hiding behind anything and everything to make himself look "manly" Ryan O'Callahan was in constant fear of being outted as a homosexual. No one could find out. No one. Tough language, big trucks, country music, guzzling beer, deer hunting, drugs, and bullying were all part of the smoke and mirrors game; all tactics O'Callaghan used so no one could accuse him of even a hint of being gay. His perception was a homosexual man wouldn't use foul language. A gay man wouldn't drive a big truck or take drugs and he certainly wouldn't listen to Garth Brooks! At the center of it all was being a professional football player. For as long as O'Callaghan was playing this manly game he reasoned he could stay alive. Without football he was convinced he couldn't hide; being exposed meant certain death at his own hand. Even when people close to him started to suspect, O'Callaghan would emphatically deny it, thinking the NFL was his perfect cover.
Then came the injuries and the surgeries and the pain, one after another like unrelenting sea surge. The more O'Callaghan damaged his body the faster his addiction to pain killers grew. He had easy access to prescriptions and at one point was using from nine different doctors. The prospect of playing football professionally hung in the balance as his drug use spiraled out of control and like all dangerous games, it had to come to an end sooner or later. ( )
  SeriousGrace | Sep 7, 2019 |
This book was not what I expected. The title and cover image made me think it was about concussions and football and the dangers of playing the sport at a high level. It was about that - not concussions specifically, but the brutal damage to players' bodies and how the NFL discards them - but it is more than that. The author, a former 330 pound offensive lineman for the Patriots and Chiefs, is gay. The book is about grappling with that, and the injuries, and how they led to addiction to pain-killers and contemplation of suicide if anyone found out his secret. You see, O'Callaghan knew he was gay from an early age, but raised in a culture of toxic masculinity, he feared being open about his life. Football was his straight card. As long as he could play, no one asked questions... An amazing book, that I devoured in one reading. ( )
  bvelto | Sep 2, 2019 |
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Ryan O'Callaghan's plan was always to play football and then, when his career was over, kill himself. Growing up in a politically conservative corner of California, the not-so-subtle messages he heard as a young man from his family and from TV and film routinely equated being gay with disease and death. Letting people in on the darkest secret he kept buried inside was not an option: better death with a secret than life as a gay man. As a kid, Ryan never envisioned just how far his football career would take him. He was recruited by the University of California, Berkeley, where he spent five seasons, playing alongside his friend Aaron Rodgers. Then it was on to the NFL for stints with the almost-undefeated New England Patriots and the often-defeated Kansas City Chiefs. Bubbling under the surface of Ryan's entire NFL career was a collision course between his secret sexuality and his hidden drug use. When the league caught him smoking pot, he turned to NFL-sanctioned prescription painkillers that quickly sent his life into a tailspin. As injuries mounted and his daily intake of opioids reached a near-lethal level, he wrote his suicide note to his parents and plotted his death. Yet someone had been watching. A member of the Chiefs organization stepped in, recognizing the signs of drug addiction. Ryan reluctantly sought psychological help, and it was there that he revealed his lifelong secret for the very first time.

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