I'd listened to the author's book about girls, so when I spotted this, I jumped in.

The boys who talk to the author, I hold hope for them. But wow, I can't believe that boys are just as trapped as ever in peer pressure, lack of self-confidence and so forth.

There's been such a sexual revolution, a gender revolution, the women's movement - all good things, but nevertheless, it has come without a guidebook. The young people interviewed here feel like the blind leading the blind ... ( )

I just had to write a review about this book. I've been listening to the audiobook all day and have not been able to put it down! At first, the book was making me quite upset because it was highlighting the pervasiveness of misogynist thoughts and actions in our society. However, in the later chapters, Orenstein gave a very nuanced depiction of sexual misconduct that told the stories of the young men she interviewed but still asserted that what they had done was wrong and damaging to others. I think Orenstein did a lot to help readers understand the patterns of assault and sexism that occur over and over again for young people. Also, I appreciate how she pointed out that men could also be victims of sexual assault since that is not talked about a lot.
I'm considering buying a printed copy of this book because I think it will be beneficial to look back on! A good read! ( )

4.5 stars.

I loved this book because it gives a voice to the emotional aspects of sex from a college age male perspective. It's a voice, not of anger, but more confusion. A cry for help. The book reminds us that we men generally have physical strength advantages over women .. but we still have emotional vulnerabilities.

Peggy went interviewing young men mostly going to college or about to. They opened up a lot to her and allow us a peek into their psyche.

I spent a lot of time reflecting on how much effort I spend to be "manly". I work in an industrywhere men normally outnumber the women. And I'm not a drinker, hunter, or care what kind of car anyone drives (one does it move? Two does it have working air conditioning?) I have at least graduated from scrawny to skinny in the past few years. I've grown up realizing that I'm more of a Samwise Gamgee archetype than an Aragon. More Sam Tully than Jon Snow. More Q then 007.

Because I lack some of the traditional manly characteristics, I changed the way to generate "manly" points. I can discuss musicals with the wife. I can make my 5 year old daughter laugh while I "walk" in a mermaid tale. And I totally know what a duvet is. Holding a job, providing for a family, keeping your word ... having people in your life who are happy to see you ... those are ways I earn manly points.

My daughter's 5 year old friend asked "Are there ugly people?"
I responded, "No, but there are ugly behaviors."

It's easy to vilify and condemn men for their monstrous actions. It's easy to vilify an condemn people for their beliefs. I find life is more complicated than that and we affect each other in so many ways (including sex). Emotionally humans are a strong as a butterfly ...fortunately and unfortunately, a flap of a butterfly wing can generate a hurricane. ( )

This is the followup to Orenstein's book on Girls and Sex. In order to be comparable, she restricts herself to a similar set, which has class limitations (she acknowledges this upfront). However she does specifically examine LGBTQ teens and pays specific attention to nonwhite kids.

It's a brisk, easy read that relies heavily on interviews, with backup research: the effect of porn on teenage boys (poor), consent, masculinity, assault, hookup culture. The key takeaways here are that we need to be having a lot more conversations with our sons about their feelings, about healthy relationships, about sexuality, about how porn differs from real sex (especially when you consume a great deal of porn before having ever had real world experience), assault, hookup culture and being able to decide what you want out of an encounter, and consent--not just verbal yes and no, but reading emotions, not coercing women, and what respect really means. ( )

I saw Peggy Orenstein speak as part of the launch of this book in 2019. As the mother of a boy, it felt like an important read. And it was. Orenstein covers the full landscape of her topic and I definitely felt more informed at the end. I wished for more concrete advice for parents, but that wasn't the main purpose of the book.