Powerful, clear-eyed account of Lacy Crawford's traumatic attack at the age of fifteen, and the subsequent layers of abuse by other students, adults and by the school itself. The sense of privilege by the wealthy elite superseded the care of an individual in her time of need. Breathtakingly stark reality of the victims of sexual abuse. ( )

this is stunning. in the writing, in the story, in the coverup, in her bravery and honesty. everything about this (except the terrible truth of her story) is perfect and perfectly done. i don't even have more to say than that - this is simply excellent.

"It's not a remarkable story. In fact it's ordinary. A sexual assault at a New England boarding school. A boarding school. I was assaulted in privilege. I have survived in privilege."

"What interests me is not what happened - I remember, I have alway remembered. What interests me is the near impossibility of telling what happened in a way that discharges its power."

"I did not understand that self-esteem and safety weren't held like treasure between a girl's legs, but could be plundered in other ways."

"All that stuff I just said about money and power - that's not just setting. It's about character. I'm trying to show what I would have given up - what I thought I would have been forced to give up - if I had gotten caught in the boys' room. I'm trying to argue my side. That's why I didn't scream, see? That's why I didn't claw their eyeballs out or bite. I was trying to find my place in that moment and I could not admit to myself that the moment was violent."

"I gathered that I was newly arrived to where my mother was in this world of downstairs men at night, where I supposed all women lived. I didn't like it but she wasn't surprised to find me here, so what choice did I have but to be here too?"

"The reason I hate to write what happened on that card table, what I did on that card table, is because it's a defense attorney's dream. 'Ah ha! Desire.' As though my choice on one night cost me the benefit of the doubt forever. The blanket projection of proto-consent cast across all the days and nights of my life. I don't owe anyone the telling of this. I never sued or took my abusers to court. Nor is it a matter of conscience. I did not want to write it because it should not matter, but of course it does. Because a girl who is attacked will so often assume the fault lies with her. There is no escaping a primal culpability. I include the events of the summer I was fifteen in open defiance of this presumed vulnerability. And to force into view what is to me the chilling logic that a girl who has explored a boy's body, or permitted her body to be explored in any way, is thereafter suspect as a victim. In other words, it's open season on her. In other words, to believe in the perfect victim is to believe in no victim at all."

"Teachers refused to punish me, which is another way of saying they refused to look after me. I could do anything here, because nobody was willing to see me anymore."

"My story was mine but the law's version of it was not."

"I believe, in fact, that the slur 'slut' carries within it, Trojan horse style, silence as its true intent. That the opposite of slut is not virtue, but voice. So I've written what happened, exactly as I remember. It is an effort of accompaniment, as much as it is of witness, to go back to that girl leaving the boys' room on an October night, sneakers landing on a sandy path, and walk with her all the way home. " ( )

Painfully moving, raw, real. Tread carefully especially if you are a survivor. This is the best and most painful book I've listened to this year. ( )

Heartbreaking and real, this book was so difficult to read but very worthwhile. Thank you so much for sharing your story. ( )

The November pick for Let's Read Rant Repeat Book Club!



This is an incredible memoir, and we were so lucky to be able to speak to the author herself about her memoir and the issues it raises. Take a look at our author chat here.











My Thoughts



This memoir was truly shattering.



The memoir opens up with the assault. Laid bare upfront, this was a decision made by Crawford to get it out there, to address the ulgiest part of the story first.



Please bear in mind that this memoir can be triggering for assault survivors, so please proceed with caution.







Crawford was assaulted by two male students at her prestigious Christian boarding school. Scared into silence at the threat of being labeled a slut, at being expelled, and bringing shame to her family- her own mother a pastor.



Crawford then experiences terrible sickness from a contractor STI- but when seeking medical treatment from the school nurses, she is told it is nothing and left with no treatment.



Crawford eventually tells her mother, and the school works hard to silence them, and the outcome leads nowhere, driving a wedge in all of her relationships, with family and friends.



Decades later as the #MeToo movement takes off, Crawford is contact by detectives who came across her files as they investigate numerous similar accusations at the school in the years prior.



Finally Crawford gets to join the case and gain traction on her case.



This is a heart wrenching story, but not one that many survivors will find surprising, thought the lengths that the Elite will go to to protect their predators is extremely alarming.



My Recommendation



I highly recommend this memoir, firstly because Crawford has been silenced consistently for decades and I believe she needs to be heard.

“It’s so simple, what happened at St. Paul’s. It happens all the time. First, they refused to believe me. Then they shamed me. Then they silenced me. On balance, if this is a girl’s trajectory from dignity to disappearance, I say it is better to be a slut than to be silent. I believe, in fact, that the slur slut carries within it, Trojan-horse style, silence as its true intent. That the opposite of slut is not virtue but voice.”― Lacy Crawford, Notes on a Silencing

Secondly, as the #MeToo movement grows, I see so many people complain "Why now?" as if it is a collective decision to report cases now for no real reason. Crawford's experience helps show how institutions are set up to silence these reports as much as possible, and that some survivors have tried to expose these crimes for years.



A heavy read but I am I so glad we chose this one to read!















I hope you enjoyed my thoughts on Notes on a Silencing. Have you read this? Tell me what you thought! 



Feel free to comment below or on my 'bookstagram' at @ReadWithWine . 
This review was originally posted on ReadWithWine ( )