We are all familiar with the national myth of the Pilgrim story: the Mayflower landing on Plymouth Rock, their encounters with Squanto, and Thanksgiving. But how much do we know about the Pilgrims as people, their relationships with each other both within the context of the family and community? John Demos, a professor of history at Yale University, wrote the classic account of Plymouth family life in 1970, and with its' reissue we can examine anew the significance of his scholarship in extending our understanding of this important subject.
The overlaying dynamic of Pilgrim life, according to Demos, was that it was a patriarchal society (82). Like many societies (arguably including our own), the male ruled both the household and the community. "The proper attitude of a wife toward her husband was 'a reverend subjection'" (83). With few exceptions (88-90), husbands had full control over their homes and businesses; indeed they were even able to dispose and assign their children to other households with little to no consultation with their wives (88).
Demos' most interesting argument concerns the dynamic that served to keep the community (and family) together as a cohesive unit: repression. When one thinks of Puritan repression, one thinks of sexual repression; indeed, it is almost an accepted stereotype. But it seems that repression was instead directed at actions committed by members of the community, especially those actions that could be characterized as hostile or aggressive (136-137). Demos uses that psychological framework of Erik Erikson (outlined 138-139) to explain how the repression of impulses (especially individualistic impulses) was institutionalized within the Puritan family, and how its consequence (shame) became a defining characteristic of Pilgrim life (139). Children were "broken," their individuality destroyed, so that they met the expectation of obedience to authority, whether it be obedience to their father or obedience to the government (134-135). A child's "stubbornness" is broken; he is now able to develop into a model God-fearing Pilgrim (135).
While it is difficult for historians to fully understand such a nebulous concept as 'family life' even within the context of the recent past, it is doubly difficult to ascertain relationships that occurred within the distant past. This is because what was considered normal within the community was seldom documented; there was little reason to record what everyone already knew and understood. Demos makes a valiant effort to reconstruct these relationships by examining physical artifacts, wills, court decisions, and estate inventories. While his account of Pilgrim life is necessarily incomplete, his evidence allows us to begin to understand the dynamics at work. While his evidence (especially court cases) might serve merely to show the exceptions to the rule, enough of this evidence exists to demonstrate what the expected norm might be.
It appears that Demos attempted to examine all major dynamics at work within the family—relationships between family members—but by necessity he merely outlined these relations in broad strokes. It might have been desirable to present a case study of one particular family, following its development and changes through time. Enough evidence may exist to provide a more in depth look at one family; such an exercise might serve to increase our understanding of the relations within an 'average' Puritan household.
It appears, however, that Demos has provided us a valuable glimpse into the Pilgrim family life that, while incomplete, gives a sense of how things were. There are few silences in the narrative of family life (such as the daily life and play of children), but these may be unavoidable. In the end, it appears that Pilgrim family life was as complex (if not more so) than family life today.

Good survey of domestic life in the 17th century Old Colony. Surprisingly, takes a bit of a detour from the documentary record to connect the topic to the psychology of Erikson. ( )

This is an attempt to explore family life specifically in the Plymouth Colony, the Old Colony, as opposed to the Massachusetts colony or Puritans as a whole. As such, I think it is more of a specialist book than one of general interest. It is very nicely written. Demos discusses the evidence with the reader, instead of leaning on authoritarian statements. The reader is thus both informed of Demos' opinion, and able to reach their own conclusions. Demos has pulled out some interesting primary sources, include a rare census, diaries, writings by early settlers, etc. ( )