Parenting with love and logic : teaching children responsibility (urspr publ 1990; utgåvan 1990)

I have an 8 and 11 year old and I found this book full of interesting tips and concepts for me to implement. It does have a Christian/Religious background to it, which I chose to skim over, not being a follower of any religion, but felt it still had some valid ideas and suggestions to take on. It coaches parents not to come from a place of anger, punishment, or 'fighting talk', and suggested alternatives.

I wouldn't consider this book helpful for anyone with a toddler or child under 5. All the suggestions for how to deal with that age group I felt were extreme and not realistic or constructive.

Some of the examples are also a bit extreme. I would never starve an animal, especially a family pet, and give it away to 'teach my child a lesson about responsibility'. I found that cruel and heartless and not what I would consider 'Christian' in any form. A pet is part of the family and EVERYONE's responsibility. If a parent chooses to let their child have a pet, they should teach them good care by including them in that care, and showing by example. I was angered and sickened by the idea.

And I also wouldn't leave a foster child, who had only been living with me for a week, out on the streets overnight in mountain country, to 'teach them a lesson about being on time'.

Although the authors preach empathy, these examples didn't really provide it. For me, it was clear the authors were men, who weren't the primary carers of their children, especially in their formative years.

Despite this I still felt there was a lot to learn from this book, and found it helpful in the issues I have with discipline and consistency. I would reference it again.


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this is astoundingly bad parenting advice. dangerously bad, actually. i was looking forward to reading this and was immediately put off by the super christian bent to it (i just looked and realized it was published by a christian press) but thought i'd just ignore that part. ("Responsible parents want to bring their children up with established spiritual values. They want their kids to have faith, understand the Christian message, and know God intimately.") even as i was reading and disagreeing with much of the message, and a lot of the way it was being told, i figured there was some good foundational stuff that i could take from this book for my own parenting. and there is. but i can't get past all of the really terrible things they tell you to do, and how they tell you that if you don't you will be doing "irreparable harm" to your children "by the time they reach high school." example, i agree - you have to take care of yourself if you intend to take care of other people. you have to do some things for yourself, etc. but: "For many unhappy parents and their entitled, demanding children, life becomes a one-way street....Wise parents who find themselves in such a predicament set the model by taking good care of themselves. A Love and Logic parent might say, 'Honey, I know you want me to (help you with your homework; take you to your practice; drive you to the movie). However, I'm sorry to say that taking you places (doing things for you) has put a darkening cloud over my haze of happiness lately. That's sad but true. So I think I'll pass on doing it this time.' This parent will raise respectful, thoughtful children who grow to take good care of themselves, too." really? you want me to help me with your homework but i don't want to, so screw you, kid. i could pull something like this from almost every page that i got through, contradicting something they wrote before. this isn't about "natural consequences" and "raising responsible kids." it's about giving a pass to lazy parents, and generally telling you ways to royally fuck up your kids. ( )

This book is highly recommended. It teaches the importance of natural consequences, an area that is often overlooked in parenting,

This book details a program/method on raising responsible kids in an irresponsible world. Lots of good ideas and advice. Now, I just need to learn to implement it! ( )

This book is great in many ways. It offers practical, easy to implement strategies for encouraging positive behavior in your children through the use of logical consequences. It is very behavioral in its emphasis meaning it shouldn't be the only book on your shelf. Supplement with books to address other issues such as the meaning behind your child's behavior. Gottman's "Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child" is a good one. The second half of the book is not nearly as helpful as the first. It offers topical "pearls" that felt too surfacy in their treatment to be of much use. You are in good shape if you simply read the first 100 pages or so. ( )