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The velvet rage : overcoming the pain of…
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The velvet rage : overcoming the pain of growing up gay in a straight… (utgåvan 2012)

av Alan Downs

MedlemmarRecensionerPopularitetGenomsnittligt betygOmnämnanden
3461157,967 (3.63)4
The gay male world today is characterized by seductive beauty, artful creativity, flamboyant sexuality, and, encouragingly, unprecedented acceptability in society. Yet despite the progress of the past century, our intimate relationships are generally short-lived, and depression and suicide occur more frequently than among straight men. Although an entire generation of gay men has freely come out of the closet, we still find ourselves asking, "Are we really better off?" Through honest individual stories and compassionate analysis, this book explores the lingering, deep-rooted shame which can be traced to our childhood experiences of feeling "other" and perhaps emotionally abandoned by the first men in our lives, our fathers. Most of us rage quietly against this shame, masking it behind a façade of beauty, creativity, or material success. Therapist Downs outlines three stages to emotional well-being for gay men and offers strategies to stop the insidious cycle of avoidance and self-defeating behavior.--From publisher description.… (mer)
Medlem:Harm-Jan
Titel:The velvet rage : overcoming the pain of growing up gay in a straight man's world
Författare:Alan Downs
Info:[New York] : Da Capo Lifelong, 2012.
Samlingar:Ditt bibliotek
Betyg:***1/2
Taggar:Ingen/inga

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The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World av Alan Downs

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» Se även 4 omnämnanden

Visa 1-5 av 10 (nästa | visa alla)
Absolute required reading (or listening) for every single gay man on this planet. Brings together a lot of the bits and pieces of becoming a self-actualized, authentic gay man in a perfect digestible and enlightening package. ( )
  scout101 | Sep 15, 2020 |
If you have any questions about how growing up gay in a straight world impacts adult behavior, this is a good solid read. Gay men aren't so very different from men generally (except in choice of partners). All men, straight or gay, have to face up issues to do with shame and authenticity but for straight men coming to grips with these issues is usually achieved by the late twenties or early thirties. For gay men overcoming shame is much harder as it is intensified and then reified by their experiences in the world from adolescence on. Gay men will do almost anything to avoid shame. Downs divides the evolution of the gay man into three stages, wild, denial, and falling apart--and rebuilding an authentic self. (The third stage doesn't always happen.) I'm simplifying this but this makes a lot of sense to me. This book would go well with Brene Brown's [Daring Greatly] where she addresses shame the ways shame drives us all. Here, however, Downs makes the case that gay men experience shame squared. **** ( )
1 rösta sibylline | Aug 8, 2020 |
Dit boek waarvan ik niet eerder had gehoord las ik aanbevolen als een nieuwe bijbel voor homo's. De centrale stelling is dat de pijn die je voelt bij het opgroeien als homo de diepe schaamte is over wat je bent, het allesoverheersende gevoel dat je niet zo hoort te zijn als je bent, ingegeven, ingepompt, door de hetero-omgeving. Die schaamte overwinnen is een moeilijk en langdurig project. Die stelling zelf vind ik zeker de moeite van het onderzoeken waard, en dan grotendeels overtuigend. Veel cases (erg kort genoemd en vaak irritant in kadertjes ge-layout) zijn interessant, veel (vooral praktische) therapeutische adviezen zijn heel goed. Mijn voornaamste bezwaren tegen het boek zijn: dat het ERG Amerikaans is, gebseerd op een sterk kapitalistische competitieve maatschappij, en dan bovendien vrijwel alleen over rijke, hoogopgeleide mannen gaat (wat natuurlijk wel vaker zo is als psychotherapeuten vanuit hun praktijk schrijven). Bovendien komen er eigenlijk geen mannen boven de zestig en vrijwel geen mannen boven de veertig in voor, zodat het bijna alleen om goeduitziende, sexueel actieve, meestal promiscue, goedverdienende mannen gaat. En veel analyses en adviezen gaan net zozeer op voor hetero's, lijkt me. Toch heb ik er hier en daar wel degelijk nuttige wenken en inzichten gelezen en, zoals gezegd, de schaamte-theorie geloof ik op zichzelf wel. ( )
  Harm-Jan | Aug 1, 2020 |
While there were of course many generalized assumptions or observances about the gay community, for the most part this I book offered a very interesting and profound theory into the struggles of gay men that I came away from feeling so much more enlightened.
I have never in my life underlined, highlighted or written in the margins more in my life, then when reading this book. There was so much of myself I found in there, and so much for me to really think about and ingest.
I do think this is an important book, and even if you do not identify with everything Downs has to offer, it's still worth the read. I found insight into my friends, my past relationships, and of course myself throughout the entire book.
Insightful and in depth, Downs has really put forth a powerful theory that is worth knowing and discussing. I think every gay man should read this book. ( )
1 rösta Kiddboyblue | Dec 23, 2018 |
This book gave me a lot of perspective on friendships I've had, into myself, and offered great suggestions on how to address complications and struggles as they may arrive. Insightful, touching, and sincere. ( )
  LaPhenix | May 3, 2016 |
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Dedicated to Blake Hunter and Bob Ward | May I grow as young in spirit, as wise in life, and as steadfast in love as you.
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The gay male world today is characterized by seductive beauty, artful creativity, flamboyant sexuality, and, encouragingly, unprecedented acceptability in society. Yet despite the progress of the past century, our intimate relationships are generally short-lived, and depression and suicide occur more frequently than among straight men. Although an entire generation of gay men has freely come out of the closet, we still find ourselves asking, "Are we really better off?" Through honest individual stories and compassionate analysis, this book explores the lingering, deep-rooted shame which can be traced to our childhood experiences of feeling "other" and perhaps emotionally abandoned by the first men in our lives, our fathers. Most of us rage quietly against this shame, masking it behind a façade of beauty, creativity, or material success. Therapist Downs outlines three stages to emotional well-being for gay men and offers strategies to stop the insidious cycle of avoidance and self-defeating behavior.--From publisher description.

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