Ron GoulartRecensioner
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Recensioner
I may read more in the series, and perhaps I'll change my mind. The book was enjoyable, and it was a quick read.
I'll probably never read anything by Goulart that I'll be able to bring myself to give more than a 3 star rating too. "Liked it" sums my response. Goulart's too much of a gimmick writer - nothing that I've read by him tries to accomplish anything beyond short books w/ recurring themes & style. NONETHELESS, I've enjoyed them all! A few obvious pseudo-critical clichés come to mind: "guilty pleasure", "book to read at the beach while on vacation", "escape fiction"..
&.. yet.. somehow I think he deserves more credit than that. His gimmick, in most, or all, of the 28 books I've read by him, is dysfunctional technology &/or technology imbued w/ human failings - elevators w/ limited artificial intelligence that have opinions about the people who ride in them, robots as racist as their inventors, shoe dispensers that don't pop out matching shoes.. that sort of thing. AND there's more to it than that. His books are satires, somewhat outspoken about sex, race, revolution..
Take "Wildsmith": an android secretly built by a publishing company to crank out best-sellers - & very successful at that. BUT, in order for the android to have the appropriate personality it's had quirks built into it - like apparent alcoholic behavior. Since the public isn't supposed to know that Wildsmith's an android, all the aberrant behavior has to be kept in check enuf by his PR man to keep this a secret - wch means preventing Wildsmith from unscrewing his hands in public & such-like.
This being not only a satire of the publishing industry but also of the political atmosphere of the time there's an apparent parody of Al Capp & his "Li'l Abner" cartoon - in this case as Joe Chuck, creator of "Tiny Boob the Hillbilly Midget". In Goulart's rendering, Chuck is a nasty stereotyping creep whose comic is banned in Mexico b/c Chuck expresses such sentiments as:
""These amusing greaseballs come from a distant planet and they landed right in Tiny Boob's hillbilly home town of Hogwallow. They resemble wax basketballs and have amusing little legs and wear sombreros. They've come to our poor, plundered portion of this planet because they've heard you can get a handout quicker here than anyplace else in the universe. If there's one prick things these greaseballs hate, it is working for a living.""
NOW, that's somewhat the way I remember Capp as being - so imagine my surprise when I skimmed thru his Wikipedia bio & found naught but praise for the guy. It's even claimed there that John Steinbeck (who I have deep respect for) "called Capp "the best writer in the world" in 1953, and even earnestly recommended him for the Nobel Prize in literature"! AND Marshall McLuhan (who I'm beginning to think was a bit of an idiot) was reputed to be a fan. Contrast that to the footage of Capp's hostility to John Lennon & Yoko Ono as presented in Paul McGrath's movie "John & Yoko's Year of Peace".
At any rate, Goulart's satire seems just as pungent & pointed as, eg, Terry Southern's "Candy" - but "Candy" was made into a movie w/ prominent stars & I don't know of any Goulart movies (wch doesn't mean that they don't exist - eg, he's somehow connected w/ "Battlestar Galactica"). In fact, "Wildsmith" is somewhat reminiscent of Woody Allen's "Broadway Danny Rose" - but 13 yrs earlier - & w/ the Sci-Fi touches lacking in Allen's story. Funny, I often feel the same way about Allen's movies as I do about Goulart's books - they're clever but gimmicky - & they usually don't go far enuf.
STILL, I recommend Goulart - it only takes a few hrs to read one of these so it's easy enuf to whiz thru one - & if you don't get anything out of it there's no great waste of time. Besides, he seems worthy of recognition as a precursor to Jonathan Lethem, eg, & as a prominent figure in the shaping of the fusion of detective & science fiction. For me, the dysfunctional technology is enuf of a hoot to make it worthwhile - given that tech-heads often act like technology is some sort of perfect savior - rather than just another product of imperfect humans.
I note that Goulart has a series (?) of books w/ Groucho Marx as a "Master Detective" that I've never seen. That seems like perfect grist for Goulart's mill.
This one has cat & lizard people, a common feature in his bks, & lots of lustful-man-obsessing-over-breasts jokes.. & if it stopped there it wd be hard for me in good conscience to give this a good review. HOWEVER, like any pulp novel, this is a fast-moving action plot full of twists & turns. It's also got lots of imagination in general: things like a robotic dog that dispenses soy-dogs out of one ear while dispensing the bun out of the other.
Goulart is wildly funny & inspired & there's plenty in the plot to keep me interested. I read this one in a day. But.. I hold back on giving him a completely one-hundred percent positive review b/c there's a depth lacking: He's no Nabokov, he's no Dick; the bks always read like things written quickly to get what was probably a small financial return to enable him to live long enuf to write another quickie. They're inspired, they're very inspired.. but they're not exactly profound. Still, the parody is broad & he touches on the mainstream as well as alterni-culture in a fairly thorough way. & this was one of my favorites.
Ron Goulart's The Robot in the Closet
by tENTATIVELY, a cONVENIENCE - January 7, 2015
I've been reading Melvin B. Tolson's "Harlem Gallery" and Other Poems since November of 2014. I have enormous respect for it but it's been slow going & I've been taking frequent breaks to read 'lighter' works that're quicker to read & easier to review. 6 so far, this being the 7th - w/ more to follow. When will I finally finish & review the Tolson?!
This is the 36th SF bk I've read by Goulart. One cd say that that's 35 too many given how similar they are to each other. Then again, one cd say that once you've eaten chocolate there's no good reason to repeat the experience - you know what it tastes like after one time. Goulart is my literary chocolate: I enjoy his SF every time (I've only read one of his mysteries & I didn't like it much). Everytime I read Goulart I'm reminded of how much I enjoy him, of how good he is at his schtick. He parodies just about everything, the 'war of the sexes' & college educations, eg:
""Oho!" she said, hands clenched into fists. "At last we reach the peanut inside the nutshell, Tim. You've never really wanted me to return to school to earn my AEP degree so I can be considered an Adequately Educated Person and make my—"" - p 7
The ongoing plasticizing of artifacts, eg: " Tim lowered himself into a floating neowood chair." (p 10) "Tim settled into a sewdocanvas chair". & there's usually a malfunctioning &/or smartass robot, in this case one that's also a time machine. Goulart loves playing w/ language & SF time-traveling & robots that aren't meant to be 'hard science' gives him the perfect opportunities. I quote an entire p to give you, dear reader, an idea:
""I never had an Aunt Tillie."
""Sure you did. I ran into her in nineteenth-century Cleveland only a few months back. Tillie Zackery, operated a house of ill repute that was always tottering on the brink of ruin because Tillie insisted on mixing sins of the flesh with a pioneering interest in vegetarianism. I told her you can't mix screwing with carrot cake and expect to—"
""Is TTOC aware of what you do?"
""Relax, henpecko. The Time Travel goons are as aware as I want 'em to be," Roscoe assured him. "Look, unless you take risks, you never pull free of the pack. First time I suggested to Hannibal he use elephants to cross the Alps he said to me, 'Man you tryin' to jive me? I got me a mind to go upside your head.' Hannibal was black, but you probably don't know that from being so nostalgic. I persisted, pointed out that elephants, while lacking the element of surprise, were—"
""I don't think Sara and I are going to go gallivanting through time, which is a nitwit notion at best, with the likes of you," Tim said firmly. "You're obviously a defective hunk of machinery. Probably need a tune-up."
""I'm the best time machine you've ever cast your peepers on, sirrah. Why, forsooth, I'm a crackerjack in my field."
""And how come you talk this way? Mingling slang from all different periods."
""What's the use of traveling in time unless you allow some of it to rub off on you, cuz?" Roscoe shook his coppery head pityingly. "Next time I drop in on Spinoza I'm going to try to convince him a little time-tripping with me'll open his—"" - p 14
Goulart exploits the full potential of having his characters be outlandish. In the world(s) of Goulart's SF novels it's to be expected that a highwayman, a profession in wch dangerous directness must be convincing, might stutter:
""Suh-suh-suh-suh-ta-ta-ta-stand an-an-an-and duh-duh-duh-duh-deliver!" shouted the larger of the two higwaymen.
""Ar," whispered Arends over his shoulder to the girl inside the carriage, "I suspect we're dealing with Stuttering Dick himself. One of the worst of the knights of the road." - p 125
Perhaps Goulart's language play deserves credit as a precursor to Jonathan Lethem's character(s) w/ Tourette Syndrome. & Goulart particularly
loves wallowing in colorful historic detail:
"The Royal Suite consisted of three large rooms. The vast living room had a bay window which faced the San Francisco Bay. Stopping by it, Roscoe gazed out. "Someone ought to build a span across that."
""That's what Emperor Norton used to say, but they wrote him off as a loony.["]" - p 58
"Emperor Norton" being a famous San Francisco eccentric who achieved such pleasant notoriety for proclaiming himself Emperor that it's sd that restaurants served him for free. Did he really propose what eventually became the Golden Gate Bridge?
Again, Goulart's not concerned w/ 'hard science'. If it's not convenient to the plot he doesn't bother w/ details such as that a time traveler might be able to go into the past for 5 yrs & still return seconds after they left to what was their present tense. Instead, he has the amt of time they're in the past be equal to the amt of time they're gone from their time-of-origin:
""I'm sort of fond of Roscoe, but he does tend to exaggerate his capabilities," she said to herself while continuing in a direction she was nearly certain was south. "Swearing Brains Bohack was stranded in the Dark Ages of Cleveland in the 1950s or some similar low point in history. Brains obviously repaired his strapon time machine a darn lot quicker than Roscoe anticipated, then popped here to 1814 to catch us when we came to spy on Uncle Toby."" - pp 133-134
Regardless of whether this is Goulart's logic or just that of the character it doesn't make much sense: if Bohack were stranded for 100 yrs in Cleveland before he repaired his "strapon" he'd still be able to go back to whatever time he wanted to. SHEESH!!
Ha ha! I 'cdn't' resist! This is the 3rd Goulart bk I finished reading TODAY! That probably tells you something about his bks, eh? Yes, they're easy reads, yes, they're flowing pulp. The more I read by him the more I wonder who the hell he is? Is he still alive? That sort of thing. Anyway, I was thoroughly engrossed & entertained by this bk - as thoroughly as the other 30 bks I've read by him. One might wonder: didn't I have anything BETTER to do?! Yes, I did, & I managed to get those things done today too. If I hadn't, I might've been able to read ANOTHER 2 or 3 Goulart bks today.
Ron Goulart's Crackpot
by tENTATIVELY, a cONVENIENCE - March 7, 2017
This is the 42nd bk I've read by Goulart. It was published in 1977. John Waters's Crackpot was published in 1986. That just goes to show ya that there's more than one way to crack a pot. The cover of this one calls Goulart "The Mack Sennet of Science Fiction". Since the 21st century seems to be becoming the era-in-wch-no-one-remembers-anything-anymore I'll tell you who "Mack Sennet" is given that you probably don't even know the name of the last person you had sex with.
For one thing, "Mack Sennet" is probably Mack Sennett. The cover of this bk left off the last "t". The assumption is that this was a simple mistake. But what if it ISN'T A MISTAKE?! What if the person who designed the cover encrypted a plea for help?! What if Little Billy Book Cover Designer was actually chained to his desk trying to get a message-in-a-bottle out to the public to come & save him? Maybe the message tells us to remove the last "t" from "Goulart" to produce "Goular", suspiciously similar to "Ghoulish"?
Anyway, Mack Sennett founded Keystone Studios & was famous for slapstick comedies like those done by The Keystone Cops. Poor Little Billy was probably trying to tell us that the Keystone Cops have bungled his rescue. Most of Goulart's novels are set on planets other than Earth but this one's a home-o. That makes it somewhat unusual. Another little (Oh, Little Billy, forgive us!) thing that makes it unusual is that Goular(t) uses a formal literary device that has page one, the beginning of the 1st chapter, begin thusly:
"These things all happened at approximately the same time on June 13, 2015."
& page 145, the beginning of the last chapter, begins thusly:
"These things happened at approximately the same time on June 29, 2015."
That might not seem like much, & maybe it's not, but I noticed it so it struck me as worth mentioning. Full circle n'at. Note that the bk's set 38 yrs in the future from its date of publication - wch happens to be 2 yrs in the past of this review. I love that sort of thing, don't you? Reading bks that're set in the future wch happens to be your present or past? That way the reader can see how much of a prophet the writer succeeded at being.
In this case, Goulart's remnants of the USA have started a war w/ Mexico by annexing some of it - not such a far-fetched scenario. Mexico is simultaneously in the midst of a Civil War. It's not quite the same as having the Great Kleptocrat proposing wasting $11,000,000,000.00 of the taxpayer's money on building a wall to separate the USA from Mexico but it's close enuf in absurdity to be worth bringing up. The Great Kleptocrat & his Plunderbund aren't funny at all but Goular(t) certainly is:
"Two more of the large-size paramedic andies pushed through the door before he reached it. "We request, Dr. David F. Westchester, that you surrender yourself to us under the provisions of the Goofy Doctor Act."
""Who's goofy? Simply because I cut off a few wrong parts from a few spoilsport patients, does that make me a loony?"
""You're not authorized to cut off any parts," the android up on the ramp pointed out. "You're a rectal smear man pure and simple."
""Oh, sure," said Dr. Westchester. "That's a great job for a man with my training. I graduated from the Bible Truth Medical & Faithhealing College of Topeka, Kansas, Heartland Empire, at the head of my class. Now I must spend my days looking into people's poopoos. It's an ignoble and—"" - p 11
Shades of Dr. Benway. Wch, by the way, is the name of the last person you picked up on Tinder. Goular(t)'s future, our past, is full of intrusive dysfunctional technology every-wch-way-you-turn:
""You've just stepped," informed the next gutter-speaker, "into the footsteps of Rance Keane, noted gunfighter, who is by apt coincidence, now appearing—"
""This isn't Rance Keane's square. It says Butch the Wonder Dog."" - p 15
I'm reminded of the reminder messages I kept getting on my iJones about a non-existent event that's 'already happened'. Goular(t)'s future, our past, is a mess.. just like our present.. but different:
"A fragile blond man at the sofa end, after coughing, said, "We'll return to this stimulating debate on the moral validity of our position in this conflict with Mexico when 'Aspects of War' returns in three minutes."
"A naked girl, decorated with cosmetic polka dots and gold bangles, replaced the debaters on the screen. "How'd you like to spend a night with a hot ticket like me?" she inquired in a husky voice, "I bet I'm every man's idea of a terrific lay. Yet not so long ago I was merely another frustrated house-frau. Then I heard about the International Home Hooker School of—"" - p 28
What do you think she wd've sd before she was so-rudely-cut-off? 'the International Home Hooker School of Pancakes'?
Our hero, Rafe Santana, is a Mexican-American news-caster who's getting what seems to be a promotion by being sent to Mexico to cover(-up) the war. He gets some instructions:
"["']Minimize, while not totally ignoring, the Mexican claims that our motives in annexing are based on a desire for commercial gains and new territory to exploit. Emphasize, rather, the fact we are bringing a stability to the Mexican people, giving them a security which they haven't ever had under the fluctuating regimes of Mexico City.'" Less let the memo drop to the vibrabed, gazed up at the mirrored ceiling and then selected another piece of fax-paper. "This came in two days ago from the Secretary. Hum . . . '. . . nothing basically wrong with having a MexAm anchor on the War Desk. Indeed it may, subtly of course, serve to emphasize that the Mexican people do accept and comprehend what we are doing for them.' Isn't that nice?"
"Rafe's hands had tightened into fists. He cleared his throat. "I want this job," he said. "So read me everything Secretary McRaine has to say."" - p 33
The next passage was fun to read given that for the 1st time in my life my local water company had 100,000 or so of its customers boiling our water for 36 hrs or so b/c of water in a particular reservoir not passing inspection:
"The houseboat restaurant bobbed gently on the black water. The proprietor leaned close to Rafe to say, "I wouldn't order the seafood plate."
"Rafe said, "Not going to order anything until my friend arrives."
"The proprietor was a big wide man, dressed in a two-piece off-white evening suit. "They're dumping some kind of leftover chemical weapon stuff in the gulf," he explained in a low voice, glancing at the dozen or so other customers scattered around the softly swaying room. "The fish tastes okay, but for six or eight hours after you eat it you have an uncontrollable urge to tell the truth. I confide this in you, because in your business—"" - p 37
If only chemical weapons were that benign.
1st we had Ern Malley in poetry, now there's Fulmer Anderson. That strikes as an excellent pen-name for someone writing about the Adventures of Melania's Rump:
""You've probably never heard of me. My name is Fulmer Anderson."
""I haven't."
""My trouble, besides a publisher who's snarfing me, is I keep creating immortal characters. You do that and readers won't know you, they'll only know your immortal characters. I wager you can't tell me who wrote Sherlock Holmes, Tarzan or Fu Manchu."
""Conan Doyle, Edgar Rice Burroughs and Sax Rohmer. What immortal characters have you created?"
""Well, someone with a literary background such as you obviously have possibly doesn't read series books," said Fulmer Anderson. "I write the Masochist series and the Sadist series, and my latest series is about Mr. & Mrs. Lust."" - p 38
Obviously, Goular(t)'s prophetic abilities fell a bit short on this one. No 21st century newscaster wd be able to remember the names of those authors. Goular(t)'s dysfunctional future has just about everything automated, even the priests - so who does the child molesting? After all, the sports coaches are probably automated too.
"A robot priest, one of the old-style black cylinder types, was flat on his back beside the font. Apparently he'd slipped on the slick flooring and been unable to upright himself. He was sprawled there, wheels spinning futilely, muttering, "Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea culpa, mea culpa."
""Let me help you, padre." Rafe stooped, got a hand under one of the robot priest's several arms.
""Bless you, my son," spoke the robot when he was back on his wheels. He made a lopsided sign of the cross with one of his arms. "Have you come to see the magnificent Church of St. Isaac? It is one of the finest completely mechanized churches of God in the entire Western world."" - p 46
There are apparently at least 6 saints named Isaac so Goular(t) might be making a joke here.. or a clue about the whereabouts of Little Billy. What I think of is an ex-roommate of mine who sd mea culpa all the time. It used to really get my goat.
In Goular(t)'s future, our past, androids even officiate at funerals. Do they go to work in an Uber taxi? Or do they just 'live' in the funeral home?
"In the shadowy, sweet-smelling hallway an android was waiting. He had a pink face, blond curly hair and wore a long white robe. "Gentlemen, allow me to convey my deepest sympathies. I am a Model 207XR Nondenominational Reverend. I'll be officiating at the brief but touching ceremony . . . um . . . I find myself with a slight problem." He motioned the nephew aside, led him into an alcove where a fountain was spewing multicolored water. "You're the relative of the deceased?"
""Yes. What—"
""I've officiated at over two thousand cremations since I was installed here at the Wee Forge in the Briars . . . uh . . . but, young fellow, this is the first time I've had to deliver a farewell sermon about anyone who died in a bordello. Frankly, I'm stumped. Perhaps if I tried a few—"" - p 91
See? Technology doesn't solve everything now, does it? Although a main thread running thru this tapestry of electronic wonder is a device called a "Gadget" invented by a man named "Crackpot". The illegal Gadget enables any of its users to remotely control other machines. It comes in very handy:
"you ordered the Low Budget $12,000 Funeral for your late uncle."
""It's sufficient I think, especially since—"
""The point is, sir, you haven't paid so much as a penny, not one cent. The credit number you provided turns out to be spurious, further—"
""Don't worry." From a coat pocket the young man produced a Gadget, much like the one he'd given his late uncle. "You're not going to make a frumus, are you? No, you're going to tell your computer it's all been paid for. The whole thing, including a small wake afterward for those old guys.
""Why, yes. Certainly. Was there some doubt?"" - p 92
Why, I'd give Melania's Rump to have one of those. Maybe I cd save Little Billy.. or, at least, get some truth in advertising:
"Above the eggshell-white halfdome huge throbbing light-signs announced AmericaMecca Market! Bringing the USA to the World! Junk Food! Gimcrack! Shoddy Appliances! Marked-Up & Unsafe Drugs! Hundreds of Other Worthless & Dangerous Items!" - p 94
Goular(t)'s a barrel of laughs going over New Mexxxico's Niagara Falls.
Ron Goulart’s Plunder
by tENTATIVELY, a cONVENIENCE - March 20, 2016E.V.
This is the 37th Goulart SF bk I’ve read. I’ve read 1 of his mysteries & I have his bk on the pulps laying around. W/ the possible exception of the pulps bk they’re all extremely easy reading. That’s ok w/ me. I find myself writing ‘entirely too many’ reviews where I feel like I have to be very serious. Goulart’s work is a welcome relief from that. Plunder & Death Cell were both Beagle Books. They both feature Jack Summer, the “top reporter for Muckrake” & “Palma, the horniest photographer in the known universe”. (back cover blurb)
As usual, Plunder was as funny as a Mussolini puppet balancing mating penguins on its nose while reciting the Gettysburg Address w/ a mouthful of pistachio ice-cream. Goulart’s ‘futuristic’ touches are always special. Take, e.g., an office that gets redo crated w/ indoor snow:
“”We redecorated and relocated while you were out on Murdstone.”
“”I see.” It was snowing all around. There was an inch of white on the reception room floor and the breath the pretty plump receptionist expelled when she smiled at Summer came out smoky.” - p 4
Of course, when Summer is getting his assignment it’s presented as not-too-challenging but we know better, eh?!:
“”For one thing, there’s a maniacal mass murderer roaming Noventa. As I say, though, that probably doesn’t tie in with the political situation at all.” said Flowers. “Also we’ve heard rumors a bootleg zombie factory may be operating out there. I suggest you journey to Noventa Territory with an open mind.”” - p 9
“Ivy breathed out smoke. “Are you and these cronies of yours prepared to deny in public, Mr. President, that you are not sanctioning the manufacture of illegal zombies in this territory?”
“President Geecher lowered his head for a second, stroking his snout again. “Let me see if I can give you an answer which will satisfy you, Mr. Ivy. Of course I do not sanction the manufacture of any sort of zombies. The making of this type of worker, besides causing unfair competition in some of our labor markets, is something which is completely abhorrent to me.”” - p 19
Now this bk was 1st printed in February, 1972. As w/ so much SF, it’s prophetic. Who we’ve thought, 44 yrs ago, that such a problem might be addressed by a president. &, yet, here we are (or were) in 2016 & Vermin Supreme is running for president openly proposing a zombie labor force (instead of covertly working toward it like the other candidates): https://youtu.be/8x0uL9ufxnQ .
Most of Goulart’s humor is jest plain wacky (Have I already proposed that he belongs in the Pantheon of Absurdists w/ Alfred Jarry, Eugene Ionescu, & Edward Albee?) but sometimes he borders on incisive realism (as do his fellow absurdists):
“”Oh, I know,” she said, “You’re wondering where the young and pretty girls are. Usually they’re the ones who meet the tourists and go through all this rigamarole with the flowers. The thing is, there’s a war on.”
“”I’ve heard.”
“”So the young and pretty girls are following the troops, running guns, turning tricks or handing out crullers in the hospitals,” explained the old woman. “I’d take off myself except I have my dog to look after.”” - pp 50-51
Hallucinations are even more fun than dreams when used as a writer’s excuse for flights of fancy:
“”Wait, wait,” he said to himself. “I’m not supposed to have hair. My borrowed wild stallion isn’t supposed to talk. This make of camera is supposed to be hairless. Right?” He parted the red ringlets growing out of his vest pocket and took out his map. The map had a two-inch crop of grey fur growing on its surface. Palma tracked his finger tip through the fur. “I’m only on the edges of Loco Plain. The hallucinations shouldn’t be so strong.”” - pp 99-100
As the ghost of “Blaster” Al Ackerman ( http://idioideo.pleintekst.nl/Blaster.html ) might observe, Goulart’s characters are hebephrenic:
“Something cold and sticky splashed down on Summer.
“”What was that you threw on him?” Mrs. Mother asked.
“The black Firefly said, “Old stale lemonade.” He emptied the last of the bucket’s contents on the groggy Summer, set the bucket down on the floor.
“”I said water, didn’t I?”
“”The local government has asked us all to conserve on water during the hot season.”” - p 116
Firefly isn’t bothered by the impending interrogation & murder of 2 kidnap victims but he IS worried about conserving water.
Schroedinger’s Spoiler: Goulart cd be sd to even wax de Sadean by having the slasher be a prominent public figure - just like the 4 Sadists who choreograph the horror in The 120 Days of Sodom.
&, as usual, Goulart’s labor-saving devices of the future are more dysfunctional than is ideal:
“”Look, it’s nearly eleven PM,” said the band leader. “We wasted most of the night waiting for Alguma not to show. Now let’s get it over with. I don’t trust my androids to play without me all night, you know. Especially with the piano player losing his left hand at our first set tonight.”
“”He can play one-handed for a night.”
“”We got a bunch of cattle rustlers from Chapa Valley due in later and they’re sure to request boogie-woogie tunes. You got to have a left-hand for that.” - p 127
True dat.
Ron Goulart's Star Hawks #2: The Cyborg King
by tENTATIVELY, a cONVENIENCE - October 6, 2016
Having just written a glowing(-in-the-dark) review of Goulart's Clockwork's Pirates / Ghost Breaker (see my full review here: https://www.goodreads.com/story/show/489526-goulart ) I reckon I don't have to feel too bad about not liking this one nearly as much. I never saw the comic strip that this is intertwined w/ but judging by the illustrations I doubt that I'd be very impressed. As usual, tho, Goulart's imagination & humor are enjoyable. Take this menu scene:
""Thark steak with Mars gravy . . . had that for lunch," he said, reading off the entrees. "Claws au gratin (Callisto style) . . . Cocoyam ragout . . . that's a possibility . . . Venusian talking salad . . . nope, too noisy . . . Reuben sandwich (Earth style)["]" - p 7
Then again, some of the jokes, like a robot or android musician's arm flying off due to customer violence, I'd read in other bks of his & they weren't as funny this time around. Then again again, ideas like having a jealous telekinetic girlfriend sabotage someone's attempts at having an independent sex life are pretty funny:
""Only last night I was about to initiate an intimate exchange with Auditor McMinn—she's that dappled Jovian in Accounting—when my trousers cam climbing back up my shanks."
""Oh. So?"
""I would drop the devils, they'd immediately rise back up and refasten at my waist," said the unhappy Star Hawk. "Down and up, down and up. None of this is doing my fabled rep as a devil with the ladies any damn good."" - p 10
Doc Ajax, a main character, reminds me of the artist Stelarc:
"The doors of her office had whooshed open and a plump, round-faced man with four arms came hurrying in. He was bald on top, but sported abundant crinkly sideburns which nearly engulfed his ears and jawline. He was wearing a rumpled blue labsmock and a pair of Earth-style rimless spectacles. Two of his arms had come with his body, the other pair were attached to him with a compact harness of his own invention." - p 16
This theme of enhancing (or replacing) one's body w/ mechanical appurtenances is central to the bk since The Cyborg King is someone who chooses to only retain part of his biological head in favor of wearing different machine bodies:
""Let me see . . . what sort of body am I in the mood for? Something lithe and glittery I think."
""The silver-plated one, sir?"
""Too gaudy."
""The chrome?"
""No, dear boy, much too ponderous for this time of the evening. What do you think, Ztak?"
""You can plop your blinking head in a shopping bag for all I care, Jigsaw," said the bulky lizard man in the lucite armchair. "Put something on, so we can have out blooming confab."" - p 77
Some of the Star Hawk crew en route to thwart Jigsaw's plans for genocide are captured in nets by ape-men. They're scared off by the unexpected:
"Oompah ooompah oom pah pah!
""What in blue blazes is that?" said Doc Ajax.
""A calliope," said Rex. "Can't figure why these louts would be playing one at a time like this."
"Ooompah oom pah pah!
""A very eccentric ritual, if ritual it be," observed Doc, grunting and puffing.
"The strands of metallic netting that had been digging into Rex's flesh relaxed, then fell away.
"The ape-men in charge of netting them went scurrying away into the night forest.
""Well, I'll be hydrogenated! That dreadful music has scared 'em clean off."" - p 86
Chavez, the Star Hawk agent w/ the dowsing rod ever in quest for moisture meets a mind reader:
""I might."
""What is that the answer to?"
""You were wondering, 'Would this nifty lady be interested in a roll in the hay?' "
"Chavez stopped grinning. "Hoy! I am not overly keen about having my every lecherous thought anticipated."
""Don't you feel it simplifies a relationship?" Debbi rested a hand on his knee, speaking in a whisper into his nearest ear. "I don't believe in using my ESP gift solely in my work on the Psychic Squad. No, when you have a little extra something, you have to use it. On top."" - p 88
Goulart's a one-man Vaudeville show from Outer Space, the gags just keep coming:
"Shatterbox went stomping through the rehearsal room. '"Excuse the intrusion, MJQ," he said, "we have to get to Storeroom Two."
""Oh, nothing bothers me. I could practice at a yodelers' convention during a monsoon," said the six-armed green man. "In fact, once on Venus I—say, I haven't met you, sir, I'm the Modern Jazz Quintet, considered by critics the best one-man band in the universe." He held out several green hands." - p 111
Having a 6-armed man have a name that's a take-off of the Modern Jazz Quartet pleases me to no end. The possibilities are endless. Imagine a 91 armed critter named "PSO" for "Pleasure-Seeking Organism".
"Zicker smiled, ceased smiling, cleared his throat. "Shatterbox, you are suspected of transporting enemies of the illustrious Jigsaw regime. These enemies of the state, whom you transported through the Badlands, are charged with conspiracy to commit . . . What's this blamed word? All blurry."
"The nearest lieutenant leaned to look. Appears to be transom, sir."
""How could they commit transom?"" - p 156
I'm sure PSO cd find a way.
Making it particularly interesting for me is that there's a "Chronic Argonauts Club", a time-travelers club. I'm a member of a time-travel society founded by Richard Ellsberry in Maryland back in the 1970s. This bk was published in 1976. Richard wd've conceived of the Chrononautic Society around the same time & I'm more or less positive he thought of it independently of Goulart. The Chrononauts eventually became the Krononautic Organism. Of course, there may be even earlier examples of such a name for a time-traveler society. I may've even commented on it elsewhere w/o now remembering. You know how memories get all jumbled together when you time-travel into the future & get older.
All the clichés are here but.. Goulart manages to make them entertaining for me - if only b/c he packs so much silliness in. Tempo's constantly talking about the people he hangs w/ when he makes his illegal time jaunts - putting down Aristotle in favor of Anaxagoras, eg. Then there are touches like the motorcycle thugs who're really nazi strike breakers (strictly speaking, maybe only one of them) from the past brought into the future to try to kill the time cop to get the confessional tape spools from him that he found in the murdered man's apartment: ok, it's another stereotype: thugs who ride motorcycles who're also Germans who're nazis - but, in this case, they talk like the Katzenjammer Kids (considered by some to be the 1st real newspaper comic strip - in competition w/ the Yellow Kid (not really the name of the strip - just of a character from the strip) - from whom the term "Yellow Journalism" may've obliquely originated) - wch in itself cd make it another annoying stereotype projection offensive to immigrants for some. The thing is that Goulart just throws it all in there - including a healthy enuf dose of cultural-historical reference to make it over-the-top. &, yes, if someone asked me: "What shd I read at the beach?" I might even recommend it. OR: "What shd I read while I wait for a YouTube upload?"
Ron Goulart's A Graveyard of my Own
by tENTATIVELY, a cONVENIENCE - August 3, 2012
Oh, well. Since I review every bk I read now I read certain bks to relieve myself of feeling responsible for writing a detailed intellectual review. I enjoy reading Goulart at the same time that I consider his writing to be fluff. I decided to read this one b/c I've only previously read his Sci-Fi & I was curious about how he'd write a mystery.
There are a few quirky distinctive Goulart bits to it: a character who compares every woman he sees to obscure Hollywood starlets, the character pool centering around comic bk artists. Perhaps what interested me the most about it was Goulart's plotting following a fairly linear deductive line. It was all very realistic & believable. This made for somewhat dull & unsurprising reading but established that Goulart cd write this way w/o having to rely on ultra-violence or whatever.
What I really want to read of his are the mysteries that have Groucho Marx as the detective. Or something like that. It seems perhaps a bit too gimmicky but Goulart's pretty entertaining w/ the gimmicks so I imagine he cd pull that off.
Even tho Goulart is clearly a hack writer I still feel a little bad giving this bk such a lacklustre review so I'll recommend looking at this somewhat more thoughtful review of mine of his Wildsmith instead:
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6588838-wildsmith
Ron Goulart's The Sword Swallower
by tENTATIVELY, a cONVENIENCE - December 28, 2015
This yr I've read an unusually high number of shite SF - partially b/c I've been trying out authors that aren't in my tried-&-true pantheon. These include but might not be limited to:
Orson Scott Card & Kathryn H. Kidd's Lovelock ( "LoveLessLock": https://www.goodreads.com/story/show/395715-lovelesslock )
Iain M. Banks's Consider Phlebas ( https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/535073.Consider_Phlebas )
Ian Watson's The Flies of Memory ( "The Memory of Memory": https://www.goodreads.com/story/show/409695-the-memory-of-memory )
Ben Bova's New Earth ( https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/16059363-new-earth )
Then there's Ron Goulart. He's pretty solidly pulpish formulaic & I sortof make fun of him for that:
"This is the 36th SF bk I've read by Goulart. One cd say that that's 35 too many given how similar they are to each other. Then again, one cd say that once you've eaten chocolate there's no good reason to repeat the experience - you know what it tastes like after one time. Goulart is my literary chocolate: I enjoy his SF every time (I've only read one of his mysteries & I didn't like it much). Everytime I read Goulart I'm reminded of how much I enjoy him, of how good he is at his schtick." - review of
Ron Goulart's The Robot in the Closet ( https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/7668554-the-robot-in-the-closet )
& yet.. & yet.. I keep returning to him. He's FUN & the writing is ENTERTAINING (for me at least) unlike the mostly turgid 4 works cited above. In the long run, I actually RECOMMEND Goulart: he has plenty of ideas & a good sense of humor & he can write: he's not Nabokov or Joyce or Flann O'Brien but he has style & the fluidity of good pulp SF writers like P. K. Dick. He's good at suggesting things & subverting their implications:
"the Head blinked his round wide eyes. "I'll tell you who that was," he said. He flicked a yellow disc out of a filigreed pillbox and positioned the disc on his tongue." - p 5
Maybe the guy's JUST a head, maybe not. One might take it for granted that he's a full human, that calling him "the Head" just means that he's the boss - but, so far as we know he might've flicked the yellow disc out of its box w/ his tongue. Goulart loves to play w/ flipping normality topsy-turvy:
"["]It goes without saying that our Barnum System of planets can't afford another peace scare."
""You suspect pacifists?"
"The Head put his thumb in his ear and half rotated his palm. "We have little to go on, precious little in terms of hard factual input. I'll admit there is a tendency on the part of the Political Espionage Office to see pacifists everywhere. As you already know, there is a mounting objection to the way the War Bureau has been handling Barnum's annexing of the Terran planets."" - p 6
Pacifists as a threat to the constant state-of-war. This was copyrighted in 1967 & 1968. Pacifists were propagandized as traitors to patriotism, Goulart just exaggerates an already absurd situation.
The hero is in the "Chameleon Corps", he can shape-shift. He takes on the shape of a specific old man to try it on as a disguise:
"The PEO man cleared his throat. "You'd think by now they'd have a way to make old age more presentable," he said. "Come back, you make me edgy. This medication regimen I'm on, Jolson, if followed correctly should keep me from ever looking like a Gabney." - p 8
When are we going to be able to incarcerate old people for unsexiness?
Goulart's an absurdist who cd be grouped w/ Jarry, Ionesco, & Albee.. but isn't:
"Head Mickens felt his desk top. "I have a special identifying phrase here someplace." He found a blue memo card. "Yes, this. 15-6-1-24-26-9-6. Got it? 15-6-1-24-26-9-6." He dealt the memo into the dispozhole. "On Esperanza someone will say, or more likely whisper, that number sequence to you."
""How come numbers? What happened to the poetry quotes?"
"Mickens said, "Security thought they were too controversial. Besides, it's not very masculine to have agents running around saying, 'With how sad steps, O Moon, thou climb'st the skies,' and 'A violet by a mossy stone, half hidden from the eye!' and things of that nature."" - p 9
A little touch that reminds me of Julio Cortazar's Hopscotch is the maté reference:
""Eighty-four per cent," said MacRae. He poured a fresh cup of maté for himself, scratched his ankle. "I think Political Espionage is planning another assassination, Ben. Probably out on Murdstone.""
[ Speaking of Jarry: Merdre-stone?]
""That's three on Murdstone this year."
""The problem Political Espionage is having is that the pacifist forces keep assassinating the men PEO shoves in to replace the guys they've assassinated," MacRae said. "All this pacifist stuff, assassinations, counter revolutions.["]" - p 11
Now Goulart may just be being absurdist or he may be mocking the absurdity of the militant groups of the time-of-writing who were assassinating & kidnapping. He's certainly mocking things like the not-yet-outed(?) CoIntelPro w/ PEO's complaints about their assassinations being out-assassinated. Ahh.. the problems of covert action. Gosh.
Despite the predictable technodysfunctionality of all of Goulart's SF I love it:
"The wheelchair was lost down a humid side ramp under the spaceport. "Heck," its grid voice said. "I was sure Visitor Processing was just around that last turn. Okay now, stick with me. We'll find her."
""Thunderation," said Jolson. "I don't need a contraption like you anyway. Release me and I'll trot up to the proper area."
"The chair tightened the safety belt around Jolson's low round stomach. "Esperanza Spaceport Number Two has a policy of providing courtesy rides for all you elder citizens. Stick with me, I'm getting a hunch."" - p 15
Goulart even waxes visionary here:
"At the other end of the large amphitheater two huge bulldozers and a pile driver, hooked to an eight-speaker amplifier system, ripped up a marble patio. The crowd leaped up, spun hand noisemakers, yelled.
""They never tire of this one," Rover yelled at Jolson's eat. "Our Thirtieth Floor is a really terrific draw, Gil. See, noise shows are still popular on Esperanza["]" - p 63
"There's a famous Hanatarashi [ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanatarash ] performance where they did exactly that. They got all the people gathered in the space and Eye came in and just started destroying the building [ http://www5a.biglobe.ne.jp/~gin/rock/japan/hanatarasi/hanatarashi2/hanatarashi2.... ] with people inside of it." - Anthony Levin-Decanini - http://idioideo.pleintekst.nl/InterviewCrucible.html
Goulart never ceases to amuse me. The trope of humans playing computers at chess & losing is varied here w/ the computer being a gangster & the game played being monopoly:
"Another half hour and Alberto had nothing left to liquidate. When he drew a hundred-dollar fine he wasn't able to pay. "Damn," said the computer, "Wiped out. Boy oh boy, how could that happen?" He rubbed his hands together slowly. "Look, you can't leave it like this. You got to give me a chance to make a comeback. What say to another game, pal?"" - p 80
""This is something else. I have to find him. Where does he usually hang out?"
"The girl said, "The Seven Types of Ambiguity a lot in Bascom Alley. Or the Ultimate Chockhouse."" - p 90
I already knew that "The Seven Types of Ambiguity" was a literary reference:
Sir William Empson, professor of English literature at Sheffield University for nearly twenty years, "revolutionized our ways of reading a poem," notes a London Times writer. The school of literary criticism known as New Criticism gained important support from Empson's Seven Types of Ambiguity: A Study of Its Effects on English Verse. This work, together with his other published essays, has become "part of the furniture of any good English or American critic's mind," G. S. Fraser remarks in Great Writers of the English Language" - http://www.poetryfoundation.org/bio/william-empson
SO, I figured I'd better look into "Bascom Alley" & "the Ultimate Chockhouse" too since I suspected they were likely to also be literary references:
The "Bascom Alley" results were ambiguous to me yielding results like this one:
"Birth: Oct. 31, 1913
Death: Dec. 6, 1992
"9 Dec 1992
Wayne County Outlook
"Bascom (Batch) Alley, age 79, of Columbia Avenue, passed away
December 6, 1992.
"He was born October 31, 1913 in Wayne County, the son of Susie
Russell Alley and Willie Alley, both of whom preceded him in death.
"He was a lumber broker." - http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GRid=39282907
I doubt that that's what or who Goulart was referring to but it's an interesting name, eh?! "the Ultimate Chockhouse" was similarly unproductive except etymologically speaking b/c I did at least learn that Blind Lemon Jefferson did a song called "Chock House Blues" that he recorded in 1926: https://youtu.be/D5Q5pTT361Y . One of the lines of that is: "Baby, I can't drink whiskey, but I'm a fool 'bout my homemade wine". This led me to at least learn the meaning of the word:
""Other terms commonly associated with the jook house or juke joint include 'roadhouse,' 'honky-tonk,' 'hole in the wall' and 'chock house'- which refers to a very potent form of home brew. Barrelhouse, defined as a 'cheap drinking house,' refers to serving liquor out of barrels and selling it by the cup and to a type of makeshift bar with a plank set across two barrels" (Juke Joints and Jubilee5)." - http://www.oberlin.edu/library/papers/honorshistory/2001-Gorman/jookjoints/allab...
But what about this one?:
"Jolson grabbed up the bass fiddle, swing it hard by the neck as the first member of the quartet came springing.
""He's pulling a mingus," warned Gramps." - p 111
Clearly that's a reference to the famous bassist Charlie Mingus maybe just making a joke off of "swinging" in the musical sense even tho I don't think that Mingus is, strictly speaking, commonly associated w/ swing jazz.
Now "fanzines", wch later became "zines", are sd to've originated w/ SF fans: "A fanzine (blend of fan and magazine or -zine) is a nonprofessional and nonofficial publication produced by fans of a particular cultural phenomenon (such as a literary or musical genre) for the pleasure of others who share their interest. The term was coined in an October 1940 science fiction fanzine by Russ Chauvenet and first popularized within science fiction fandom, from whom it was adopted by others." ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fanzine ) & I've been under the (perhaps mistaken) impression that they originated even earlier w/ the Futurians in the late 1930s (perhaps they weren't named as such at the time):
"John B. Michel (1917-1969) was a science fiction fanzine editor and publisher, who also contributed art, articles, poetry, and fiction to most of the prominent fanzines of the 1930s and early '40s.
"Michel was actively involved in the early years of the Fantasy Amateur Press Association. In summer 1938 he ran for the organization's Presidency. He co-edited the second and third issues of FAPA's newsletter, The Fantasy Amateur, and solo edited the fourth issue. And in 1940 he was honored with the FAPA Laureate Award for best fanzine artist.
"Michel was also one of the twelve charter members of The Futurian Science Literary Society (later the Futurian Society of New York), which held its first open meeting on September 18, 1938. (The other charter members were Donald Wollheim, Rudolph Castown, Robert W. Lowndes, Frederik Pohl, Jack Rubinson, Walter Kubilis, Jack Gillespie, Isaac Asimov, Cyril Kornbluth, and Herbert Levantman.) In 1941, Michel was elected Director of the Futurians." - http://zinewiki.com/John_B._Michel
In Goulart's The Sword Swallower we get this:
""Fanzines," she said. She patted her bare knees and laughed. "I'm actually a fanzine writer."
""Are you?" said Jolson.
""Am I what?"
""A writer for some kind of fan magazine."
"She slapped her knees, wrinkled her nose. "I'm a greenhorn in the business. Otherwise I'd be faster on the uptake. I'd sense your questions and field them better. Yes, I write for a chain of cemetery fanzines, based back home on Murdstone.["]" - p 116
In Goulart's exaggerated future a 'generation' is no longer the time it takes to generate a new human biologically as much as it is the time it takes for subcultural shifts to happen:
""Don't read too much," said Jolson. "Visual stuff, that's what I like. And noise."
""Of course," replied the blonde. You're in the eighteen to twenty generation. I myself am in the twenty-three to twenty-five generation and there's a certain, what we call, generational gap between yourself and me."" - p 116
In short, don't underestimate Goulart - just b/c he's entertaining & easy to read doesn't mean there aren't other things going on too.
Ron Goulart's Clockwork's Pirates / Ghost Breaker
by tENTATIVELY, a cONVENIENCE - September 22, 2016
READ THE FULL REVIEW HERE: https://www.goodreads.com/story/show/489526-goulart
This being an Ace Double, these are the 38th & 39th bks I've read by Goulart so there must be something I like about his writing very much. W/ that in mind, I'm going to hereby make the bold move of giving this double bk a 5 star rating wch puts it in the company of Finnegans Wake. THAT is absolutely absurd but, then, so is Goulart's writing & I like absurdity. Goulart has an imagination & keeps pumping vivid characters into his plots. Take the idea of a "composite agent":
"The agent's voice shifted to a deeper tone. "Let me do the talking," he said in a new voice. "Fatso won't ever come to the point."
""Hello Mort," said Sand, "How are you?"
""How would you be if you were part of a fat nitwit?"
"Sand's left eye seemed always about to wink. He looked at the Political Espionage agent for awhile, then up at the noon sun. "Well, if it was either that or being dead, I'd pick that."
""You never saw me before the accident," said the agent in his Mort voice, "I was a tall good-looking young guy.""
[..]
""Okay, admittedly there wasn't much left of either of us after that cruiser explosion three years ago," said Ralph. "Not enough for two complete PEO agents anymore. But more than enough for one good agent." His voice turned to Mort's. "Enough for half a good agent and half a dumpy nitwit."" - p 6
I'm reminded of Mark Twain's great story about conjoined twins who hate each other, "The Comedy Those Extraordinary Twins" (1894). Goulart's quirky & often borderline dysfunctional characters in general remind me of Jonathan Lethem's detective w/ Tourette's Syndrome, Lionel Essrog, as he appears in Motherless Brooklyn (1999). Clockwork's Pirates being from 1971. The following excerpt not only gives another example of Goulart's imaginative characters & shows foreshadowing but also ends w/ a typical Goulart humorous twist:
""Yes, Leodoro. It's some kind of strange city, no one is quite sure where. They say the inhabitants are animal men. We do have some of those here and there elsewhere." He sighed. "This is really no planet to try and bring up a daughter."" - p 11
Just as Lethem's Essrog has difficulty controlling his utterances so does Priceless over-rely on his "now-now" speech crutch & act uncontrollably clumsy:
"["]I can't, now-now, do everything perfectly, even though my mother had such great expectations, now-now, and named me Priceless. A burden rather than an inspiration my name has been." He clutched the reports together and dropped them on the marble table-top, then stumbled out through the draperies.
"After he was definitely gone, Sand said, "He's not a spy? For you or somebody?"
"Governor Peaquill smiled, chuckled. "Priceless? He's much too clumsy to work at intrigue."" - p 14
There's almost no let-up in Goulart's motley crew of fantastic beings:
"They came single file down the dawn sand, the one with the scythe in the lead. Sand knew they were dead even fifty yards away from them. They walked with a sad slowness and there was a cold blank look to their pale faces.
"The man with the scythe reached for him and bent, grabbed at the wet collar of Sand's tunic and pulled hard. Sand came to his feet, free of the sea and he and the dead man danced unavoidably in the chill fog until Sand got his balance. "Thanks," he said.
"The dead man touched the brim of his hat with a stiff white hand. Then he pointed to the forest above the beach. He made a writhing shrug." - p 15
""How come all the fellows working here are dead?"
""It's an economy measure. No wages this way," explained Dehner. "Old Espada is something of a wizard, besides being something of what might be called an agricultural robber baron."" - p 18
Everything in Goulart's writing is exaggerated for comedic effect:
""He ought not to wear out a floor for which you have such a sentimental attachment, grandfather," spoke the other large grandchild. "Let us rain a shower of harsh blows upon him by way of a lesson."
""Oh, my," sighed Dehner. They've picked up their vocabulary, and their notions of justice, from one of my Evil-Eye Jack novels I'm afraid."" - p 19
"The barbarian grunted up, dusting his shaggy garment with broad hands. "Does this fur look convincing?"
""No."
""I feared as much," shouted Jackdaw, retrieving his sword. "Two years ago I took, after being goaded by my wife, a vow to slay no more fur-bearing animals. When my old skins wore out she fashioned me this out of roots and fragments of cloth, shaped it and dyed it to resemble a bear skin. I fear, by Soglow, it has somewhat of a fraudulent appearance."" - pp 32-33
""It's not all joy for a gourmet such as myself to marry a poisoner, my friends. Once she only used her gifts to help us in our trade of waylaying travelers, but now she can't help herself and poisons with abandon.["]" - p 34
So much for the innkeeper's problem - but what about the talking ape's?:
""That I am, sir" replied the mansized ape. "My name is Hankwin and I suppose I may well strike you as something of an oddity. I wager you've met few articulate apes in your time, gentlemen. We're a rare, more's the pity, and fading breed. Breeding now only in one or two remote spots out beyond . . ."
""The Edgewise Plains," put in Dehner, who'd got his wind back enough to speak. "I wrote a book about your area once."
""No doubt sensationalized, sir," said the ape, coming bowleggedly toward them. "Most of what has been written about my people has tended to be on the sensational side. What was your book entitled, if I may ask?"
""Oh, my," said Dehner. "It was called Fur-Suited Dan in the Valley of the Killer Apes."
""Just so," said the ape man. "I haven't read that particular book, but I hazard to guess it was in the sensational category.["]" - pp 39-40
"["]It's my opinion that Lemkerr is in need of wise counsel."
""I understand he's appearing in a hood," said Dehner.
""Yes," said Lorenzo. "But he insists on billing himself as The Masked Socialist. Every time he bests an opponent in wrestling or boxing—and if you know Lemkerr you'll realize that is often—he insists on delivering a speech on the virtues of some outlandish creed known as socialism." He frowned at Sand. "Perhaps you've heard of it, coming from a distant planet as you look to have, friend."" - p 62
Goulart's inspiration is unstoppable. I tried to stop it, really I did, officer. I saw Goulart's inspiration crossing the street & I floored it but I hit everything but Goulart's inspiration. I admit I was a little drunk but that's what gave me the courage to try to stop the unstoppable & that's why I couldn't stopper the bottle.. or was it the hollow plastic Jesus?
"He noticed now dozens of hard-back insects inching out along the dark oak branches. "What are they?"
""Their bite is not fatal but it causes hallucinations and delusions," explained Dehner as he helped light the torches. "Fire and smoke usually keep them off."
"Sand caught up a torch. When he swung his hand up toward the black branches he felt a slight twinge in the soft flesh between his thumb and his forefinger. He looked at the spot and saw nothing. "How long do teh effects last if you get stung?"
""Forever," said Dehner. "Forever."
""I can't," began Sand. When he turned to Dehner he saw the author had fallen to the ground and died. The clothes were already rotted to tatters and the last shreds unraveling away into the hot sooty wind blowing across the clearing." - p 68
I'm sorry, officer, I didn't see Mr. Dehner, the author of Fur-Suited Dan in the Valley of the Killer Apes, until it was too late. I just thought he was a squirrel. It's all the Lion Man's fault.
""You're both of you fabricators," said Lido, clutching off his green cloak. "I'll be your dupe and gull no longer."
""You're the one who's a diddler," returned Yuba. "Don't try to claptrap and moonshine me." He thwacked the angry Lido on the snout with the grout shoe." - p 84
Flipping the bk over takes me to Ghost Breaker, as far as I can recall, the only collection of short stories by Goulart that I've read. The stories date from 1961 to 1969. These aren't his earliest stories but they're still representative of an early style. According to Wikipedia: "Goulart's first professional publication was a 1952 reprint of the SF story "Letters to the Editor" in The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction: this parody of a pulp magazine letters column was originally published in the University of California, Berkeley's Pelican. His early career in advertising and marketing influenced much of his work." ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ron_Goulart ) Indeed. The opening bio of his character here, Max Kearny, says:
"Living in San Francisco, and an advertising man by profession, Max has been an amateur ghost breaker for nearly a decade now." - p 2
Goulart's bio, introducing Clockwork's Pirates, states:
"After graduating from college in 1955 I spent the next few years in the advertising business; my specialty was what was then called offbeat copy. I had a crewcut and wore a gray flannel Brooks Brothers suit. This was in San Francisco, and later in Los Angeles." - p 2
The writing style is considerably less bombastic than what I've become accustomed to w/ Goulart's novels & I enjoyed this relative restraint b/c it serves as an indicator of how his style developed. The 1st story, "Please Stand By" (1961), starts off w/:
"The Art Department secretary put her Christmas tree down and kissed Max Kearny. "There's somebody to see you," she said, getting her coat the rest of the way on and picking up the tree again.
"Max shifted on his stool. "On the last working day before Christmas?"
""Pile those packages in my arms," the secretary said. "He says it's an emergency."
"Moving away from his drawing board Max arranged the gift packages in the girl's arms. "Who is it? A rep?"" - p 7
That starts off conventionally enuf, there's really not much of anything there to show that this is GOULART writing. Ah.. but by page 8 it's GOULART alright:
""I change into an elephant on all national holidays."
"Max leaned forward and squinted one eye at Dan. "An elephant?"
""Middle-sized gray elephant.""
That's the sort of problem that very few writers other than Goulart wd dream up. While Max's procedures not of the more rough-&-tumble detective-like nature, this 1st story did surprise me a little w/ this:
"There was no lead on Anne's whereabouts at her apartment, which Max broke into. Or at Westerland's, where he came in through the skylight." - p 20
This oddly coincided w/ my reading about Kevin Poulson, a hacker of some renown who was also an accomplished burglar who was primarily in pursuit of knowledge, especially knowledge of his local phone company's operating intricacies.
Given that I'm avoiding spoilers here & am, instead, just showing a few tantalizing details here & there, you'll have to find out more about this elephant angle by reading the story. The next story, "Uncle Arly", begins thusly:
"Tim Barnum shoved the rabbit ears all the way down into the portable TV set and pulled the plug out of its socket. It had no effect on the reception. "See," he said to Max Kearny. Tim lidted the still playing set off its low black table and carried it across his apartment. Dropping it down at Max's feet he said, "Doees it look like something in your line?"
"Lighting a fresh cigarette Max looked down at the bright screen. "It sure isn't something for a repairman."
""But is it occult, Max?" Tim reached out and found his glass." - p 31
One philosophy of short story writing might be that the stories shd begin w/ a 'grabber', an idea that immediately fascinates one's attn, that arouses one's desire to see how it plays out. Goulart's an expert at this. A guy who turns into an elephant on national holidays - WHA? A TV that continues to broadcast even after it's unplugged - WHA? In this case, the broadcast on the TV switches to coming from a billboard:
""The billboard across from my bus stop is haunted. It used to tell you to eat Kellogg's Rice Krispies. But this morning while I was standing there alone, waiting for the 45 bus, it blurred over. It showed a picture—pardon me, Barnum—of Jeanne Horning. The slogan read: 'Don't be a fool, Yewell. Do it now!' "" - p 39
Max concludes that ""That's real saturation["]" (p 39), ghostly advertising saturation, ie. Advertising plays blatantly into the next story, "Help Stamp Out Chesney", too:
"Max's ad agency was tentatively interested in the new TV show and it was penciled in on one of the networks for the next season. Although he had come down from San Francisco in his advertising capacity Max was starting to think that his hobby, occult detection, might come in handy." - p 42
Again, the story starts w/ a real 'grabber':
""And what is the trouble exactly, Miss Clerihew?" he was asking the girl.
""You'll think me a goose," she said, but there were certain irregularities at our last fox hunt."
""Can you be more specific?"
""Yes, I—"
""Jesus Christ!" said the inspector. His false moustache had somehow come off his face and it was now flying around the office and singing like a canary. It flew out the window and grew silent." - pp 42-43
Why don't things like this happen at my own shoots? I'd certainly change the plot of the movie to accommodate it. On to "McNamara's Fish":
""I thought Ken had somebody to finance the boat."
""Boat?"
""You wrote he was going to prove Heyerdahl wrong and do something in the Pacific with a raft."
""Oh, yes. No, Ken decided not to. All the bomb tests out there and all.["]" - p 56
It's interesting the way Goulart squeezes in a reference to Kon Tiki & the atomic bomb tests in the Pacific w/o having them be slightly relevant to the story - esp given that Heyerdahl's expedition was in 1947 when the US had certainly made the Pacific radioactive as hell already. But that's not the 'grabber', this is:
""And the trouble?"
""He's having an affair with a mermaid."" - p 57
I've always been interested in the category of "breakaway" objects - things designed as props intended to look solid but easily breakable - generally so that they can be used in fight scenes w/o hurting the stunt performers - such as in bar-room brawl scenes where actors are shown hitting each other w/ chairs & bottles:
"Directly behind this building was one that resembled an airplane hanger. Piled in front of it was a tangled assortment of chairs. Max picked three that seemed still in fair shape, hoping they weren't some of McNamara's breakaway furniture. In among the nest of Georgian dining room chairs Max found some spare table boards.
"Back under the arched window he put a board between two chairs and put the third chair on top of the board. He climbed up on the whole thing." - p 62
Goulart even has a "Breakaway House" later on:
""Pete," said Gretchen. "There is something wrong with this house. Why don't you admit it?"
""All new houses have a few kinks in them."
""We've been here two weeks. And we've had seagulls in the sink and a bobcat in the shower stall and white mice in the conversation pit and whatever those black furry things were under the bed that night," said Gretchen. "Not to mention the windows that stick and the doors that don't open and the legs that fall off the sofas and the canisters and apothecary jars that jump off the shelves, Pete."
""It's better than the apartment we had in San Francisco, isn't it?"
""No," said his wife. I think it's haunted."" - p 87
Is the mermaid actually having an affair w/ a shape-shifting breakaway sofa leg? I'm not tellin'. In "Kearney's Last Case" Goulart manages to tie in the occult w/ labor issues?:
""Black magic, Max. Really. Invisibility. Not to mention the lousy wage structure and lack of fringe benefits.""
[..]
""That's a picturesque church over there," said Terrace. "I'd like to get married in it, so would Ann. Still, you can't walk down the aisle with an invisible girl. And people'd balk at catching a bouquet tossed out of nowhere."" - p 73
"In the North Beach antique store a basilisk tried to stop him but Max always carried a charm against them on his key ring." - p 81
"In European bestiaries and legends, a basilisk (/ˈbæsɪlɪsk/ or /ˈbæzɪlɪsk/, from the Greek βασιλίσκος basilískos, "little king;" Latin regulus) is a legendary reptile reputed to be king of serpents and said to have the power to cause death with a single glance." - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Basilisk
How times have changed! In 1965 when this story was written, people carried anti-basilisk charms on their key-chains; now, a mere 51 yrs later, a card for getting discounts from a chain store or mace might be more common. I don't have a single friend that I know of who carries an anti-basilisk charm. All the old-world values are gone.
Where was I? "Breakaway House" , wch I so rudely interjected in the midst of discussion of an different story earlier, involves a gnome named Blum: "Blum hunched his shoulders. "I spent a half a century under Pittsburgh once. I hope they don't send me back there."" (p 96) That was 50 yrs ago, Pittsburgh is much nicer now, really.
Despite his "Masked Socialist" & various other political details I wdn't call Goulart a political writer. He mostly uses such thing as more fuel for the general mayhem:
""We get used to such uninformed questions. It's because of the news blackout the so-called lords of the press have imposed on the Freeload Prevention Society. Too, too few know about the captain and our crusade."" - p 98
How many detective stories have the action interrupted by a mom-call?
"A white phone on a white table rang. "Just a second. Hello. Hal Levin here. Mom, I can't talk to you much now. Yes, they were picketing me today. They don't hurt me any, Mom. When? Friday, Mom, we can't. April and I will probably have company.["]" - p 100
In the same story, "The Ghost Patrol" (1968), there's an interesting idea about muscles:
""Words," said Jorge Barafunda. "Words are a lousy way to think. These college people, they think in words. You take a look at my book The Vocabulary of Muscles, and it's all explained in there."
""I skimmed it in the library this morning," Max told him. "It was full of words."
""They're not ready yet to publish a book that's all pictures of muscles," said Jorge. "Uhn."" - p 106
We move on from there to a patriotic housing development. This later story is more the Goulart I know from the novels:
"Ahead of them on the road was a replica of Mt. Rushmore. "This the entrance to Yankee Doodle Acres?"
""Yeah. Drive in right next to Teddy Roosevelt's mouth."" - p 109
The latest of the stories, "The Strawhouse Pavilion" (1969), continues this writerly transition in to the novelistic style that may've started around the same time w/ The Sword Swallower (1968).
"["]I am Dr. E. Philips Wally, founder of the Psycho/Technocratics Foundation and pioneer in appliance therapy."" - p 119
YOU'LL HAVE TO READ THE FULL REVIEW HERE: https://www.goodreads.com/story/show/489526-goulart
See my review of "Wildsmith".
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Short and lite.