Many if not most books on relationships out there are not good. Sometimes the author had a spot of luck and generalises. Sometimes it's just stuffed with common knowledge, or advice meant to make people feel in control. Of course, most of them are also horribly gendered, and subscribe to differences between men and women at ridiculous levels, and/or assume relationships to be heterosexual.

**Rewriting the Rules** by *Meg-John Barker* was way better than that. I found it well-structured, and coming from excellent principles. It moves through a set of topics, starting from dealing with oneself, going through different points of relationships with others, such as starting out, having sex, separating, dealing with conflict, and ends on a couple of very good practical observations. All chapters discuss cultural rules we may apply without thinking (about gender, sex, behaviour in general, partnerships vs friendships, etc), and how they can be harmful and beneficial. This discussion is both very practical and very differentiated, which makes for a nice change compared with most other books of this type. I'd recommend it without hesitation for people looking to read and think a bit about relationships and friendships. ( )

You know how they say “When the student is ready the teacher will appear”? Well, I've been learning a lot of lessons over the last few years, but this book arrived back in my sights at exactly the right time. It's been on my wish list for a while, but after meeting the author at a conference and going to a valuable workshop of theirs on self-care and activist burnout, I knew I wanted to repay them by buying this... and it was well worth it.

I've just come out of a four year relationship which began just as I was embarking on a psychology degree, becoming interested in gender and feminism, learning about social constructionism, and during which I've been questioning my previously held beliefs.

The book covers our taken-for-granted rules about relationships, the ways in which these may be problematic and the alternative 'rules' which exist outwith mainstream society... suggesting that it may be best to hold all rules lightly, and to be flexible and in-the-moment about what really works for ourselves as individuals. Each chapter relates these thoughts to a specific topic - ourselves, attraction & body image, gender, sexuality, monogamy, conflict, break-ups and commitment. Some of the ideas resonated with thoughts I'd already had, and many were new and prompted deeper (and ongoing) reflection.

This is definitely a book I'll be re-reading and thinking about for a long time. It's had a massive impact on me and the way I'll go about any future relationships. Seriously, I think it should be required reading for everyone - even on the national curriculum! ( )

Reviewed here.